[She understands. But then, of course she does - if she were to lose the memories of her life that have seen her reach this point, would she even be the same person? Of course she understands, because it is truly horrid to live without them.]
Precisely. Seven years of memories is not a lot - it's not enough. I don't know who I was, where I came from, or what happened to... result in me ending up like this.
[I don't know why I'm so different from everyone else or I don't know why I'm broken might be more accurate, but he chooses to word it more neutrally.]
I have. I found a solution - the Aeli itself. I've told you that it is akin to a god in our world. The World Tree is powerful beyond anything else in the world, even the magicaeli. If I couldn't reclaim my memories with those stones, then clearly I needed something more powerful.
I didn't agree to help Ruby Dawn for the sake of exploration. I agreed to help them so I could merge myself into the Aeli - to forcibly restore these memories, no matter the cost.
[He sets the brush aside; despite the intensity in his words, his hands are gentle as he braids her hair.]
I knew the cost of failure. I knew there was a very real chance that the Aeli would simply kill me for trying to merge with it. I also knew that if I didn't die, that Ruby Dawn would turn on me. And I knew that there was a possibility that taking this power for myself would upset the very balance of the world and risk ending all of Aelios - I didn't care. As long as I had a chance at my memories, I'd do anything.
[He leaves it there for now, the intensity almost burning; his words have become flatter, somehow more intense but yet more monotone than he usually is. There's none of the usual cheer present, for once.]
[Amaya listens, her face disaffected as ever as she watches him work, though her mind is anything but. What he was doing was...reckless, deeply reckless and almost suicidal. What was he thinking? If he failed, if he truly would be just...gone. There'd be no Zvei here to talk to, no one like him that would just understand everything about her. About her emotionless state, about the things she's done, about...anything.
...She's inwardly glad that whatever he did may not have actually worked, because he wouldn't be here, and isn't that more than a little unfair to him? As far as he knows, he just sprung from the tree fully formed. That isn't fair, to a man who deserves to know what his life was like beforehand, about who he was--]
...I understand. When you have so little lived experience and you know something so...brilliant, lies just outside of reach...it makes one want it even more. Even as self serving as your goals were, they're understandable; you had to know who you were. Even if it resulted in your...obliteration, it sounds like.
[It's back to the calm, easy tone. Like it really isn't all that important, despite being the driving force in his life for the past seven years. But that question...]
I almost succeeded. I did merge with the Aeli - for a brief period of time, we were one. It wasn't like your relationship with the Dragon; the Aeli and I merged entirely. Its consciousness and knowledge were mine, and mine belonged to it as well. I could see everything, I just needed a little more time to understand how to separate myself from the Aeli enough to make use of its power to dig out those lost memories—
[His voice speeds up as he speaks, going from the usual relaxed, carefree tone into something darker and more pressurized. Each word pick up pace until it's almost like he can't stop, even if he suddenly decided he wanted to. At least until he suddenly cuts himself off to breathe, shaking his head a bit as if to clear it.]
That friend I told you about, Fiona? She was the first one to try to stop me. She said if I continued this unchecked, I'd put the world in danger, and she couldn't allow that.
[...]
She looked... sad as she said it.
[It goes without saying he doesn't know why. Zvei's expression darkens for a moment into something that's almost bitter before it vanishes entirely.]
So I killed her. I killed many of them. Coworkers, comrades, people I'd known for the past several years... It didn't matter, not when I'd already come so far. I just needed a little longer with the Aeli and I would have succeeded.
...But I wasn't strong enough. In the end, they overpowered me, and yanked me free of the Aeli before I could find the answers I sought. If I'd had even another five minutes...
[...A soft exhale.]
Regardless, that's about when I found myself here.
[...He succeeded. He truly came so close to the answer that he had sought, only to have it ripped away from him at the last possible second. Sure, she doesn't doubt that the Aeli could simply have obliterated him outright, but it sounded like he managed to survive. He could have figured it out, and...
Amaya sees where the dots connect, but she's not sure if bringing up why Fiona could have acted that would help him at all. Or...any of it, really, because she understands it just a little too well.]
...How cruel of them, whether they knew it or not. Though I imagine that messing with the Aeli could have had disastrous consequences even outside of what you had done, I understand why you had to take that chance. Anything, to seize what's rightfully yours back.
...Anything, to seize the only thing that is yours back.
[Amaya's quiet when she says that much, but there's no pity or absolution in her tone. No judgement, either. Her own freedom danced at the edge of a blade she barely knew how to use before she made the stupid mistake of disarming herself. His freedom was in a place no one should be, and yet those stupid people yanked him out and brought him back. Out of a sense of...what, pity? Sadness?]
They must have thought they were saving you. Either that, or all sense truly left their head; regardless...I believe to an extent, I understand what you've gone through.
...Though I know not what else to say; I fear anything else would be considered...insulting, truly.
[...]
Thank you, for...sharing this much with me, regardless. [The gesture is deeply awkward when she does it, starting and stopping again as if she doesn't...know how to do it really, but a hand of hers goes and very briefly pats one of his that work on her hair.] It will not leave this room.
[The only thing that is his. Yes, that's exactly it. He won't truly be complete until he knows, and he won't ever understand his place in this damn world if he doesn't have that opportunity. To live without those memories simply isn't an option. Amaya understands that much, and it feels...
Complicated. It isn't a clear-cut, easy feeling. She doesn't pity him or judge him for it, and she understands. Shouldn't that be a good feeling? Shouldn't he be glad? But instead he feels...
Helpless. Like giving voice to all of this makes it real. Maybe it never truly sank in before now how completely screwed he is when he returns home. Or maybe it's just that he's never had anyone accept him for all of this and that's what's causing this strange feeling that makes him want to do something. Something destructive, maybe. He doesn't understand; more than he usually doesn't understand his own feelings.]
You've said enough, don't worry. I don't want or need pretty words; they certainly won't make any of this any easier.
[Her hand rises to meet his and he stills where he's fixing her braids; it's... not something he's used to. Physical affection. Fiona used to link arms with him or hold his hand, and he learned to tolerate it eventually (because there was no saying no to Fiona) and yet...
For some strange reason, he wants to grab her hand and never let go.
Zvei doesn't move until she withdraws her hand and he nods stiffly, mechanically.]
Yes. [He blinks owlishly and then shakes his head as if to clear it.] Yes, of course. I wouldn't particularly care... but it might make the others think I'm a threat. Better to keep it just between the two of us, hmm?
[...It's strange. She's rendered him so untalkative, and it's so unlike Zvei to not be talking like he usually does. The quiet, the simpler answers; she wonders if it's all hitting him, or something. Like it hit her so long ago, that she was alone with nothing left.
Amaya's face betrays nothing, when she speaks again.]
I agree. I've likewise handed you the means to have me considered a threat, too, should you desire it. It's as if we hold weapons to our very necks now; I believe one would call it mutually assured destruction.
I don't mind it.
[It's strange to say that, but it makes sense to Amaya. You only get something if you have something to offer back. It's mutual, it's assured. It's what makes sense.]
...Do you think that they will ever let you near it again, Zvei? Even if you were to tell them why?
[...]
If not...well. Gods only know how this place works, but Madide's magic works in strange and mysterious ways.
[Maybe it's a mistake, to say this much. Maybe he won't even see this for what it is, and a part of her hopes he doesn't.
[The first part gets an exhale that could almost be a laugh under another circumstance. Mutually assured destruction, indeed. This is why he wanted to tell her, so she wouldn't feel as though she's the only one with a sword over her head just waiting to fall. It isn't fair for him to take and take and take from her, and give nothing in return. They can both await their doom this way.]
I wouldn't have trusted anyone else with it.
[And it's true. For as much as he likes some of the others, no one quite understands him like Amaya. No one else would freely offer him a blade, expecting nothing in return... and would willingly hold his, when offered, with no judgment or pity.
The questions get him to incline his head a bit, but he doesn't have to think about it.]
No. I'll be lucky if they don't have me executed for what I've done.
[Even if he told Lorraine everything... she wouldn't be okay with him risking endangering the world a second time. Hell, if anything, she's the one likely to call for his head first.
But Amaya continues and his mismatched eyes widen at that offer. She should know better than to risk it; even if her world doesn't work the same way Aelios does, he's already made it perfectly clear he'd do anything for his memories, including putting everyone at risk. He'd do it again, too. The only thing stopping him is that no one will let him get near the Aeli again.
Even so, Amaya offers. Even knowing the type of person he is, and that he doesn't regret a damn thing, she still offers.]
Miss Amaya... [A soft exhale; this one doesn't sound like a laugh.] I can never thank you enough, simply for your understanding and your trust. To think you'd even offer your world to me...
[He wants so badly to say yes. To sink his claws into her and never let go, ever again. So she can't leave him or turn on him or put herself in his way. A cruel, callous thought, when this woman has been denied her freedom for so long.]
Let's revisit this once our stay here is over. I'll have an answer for you then. There's much we have to learn about this place, after all - perhaps my memories are within reach even here.
...Thank you, though. Truly.
[And for once, the smile he gives her seems the tiniest bit softer, somehow.]
The words hit Amaya's ears and she's...honestly a little struck, when she hears him say that. The idea that he trusts her back on such a level is...strange. It makes her feel so, so very empty that she almost wishes she could get him to talk about something inane again, but she recognizes this for what it is. He...trusts her. Her, who's already proven she can lie to him. Her, who can't even return that gentleness, that softness as the rest of his words hit her...
It's a strange and empty feeling, and it makes her realize just how hollow she really is. That even the idea of making him so damned happy has made her own empty, wanting heart feel a deep sense of depression.
It doesn't hit her face, though. She just wishes she could smile to him.]
Then we shall do the utmost to leave no stone unturned, while we are here. To see if we cannot find the means with which to jog your memories, if possible.
[And yet, when she speaks again, her tone is intense--it isn't quite soft or kind, but it almost feels like an oath.]
It truly is no trouble, though. You really do deserve that chance.
And...well, I ought to repay you for the burden of taking care of me today somehow, yes?
[Her expression doesn't change, but her words do, taking on the weight of an oath. He recognizes that intensity, that need to express something very important and put the proper weight on it. It's what he does sometimes, after all.
Zvei laughs - the usual sharp, short laugh - and finally finishes with her hair, taking a step back.]
Let's see how you like it, first. I think I did a fairly good job of recreating your usual style!
[But her words truly make it clear that she does want to help. That this isn't just an offer of kindness, but one of desire. She wants to help him. A crazy, unbelievable idea, but one she puts forth with such sincerity that he has no choice but to believe her. Some part of him wishes he still had the excuse of his hands in his hair, just so he could remain close for a little while longer.]
You don't have to repay me, but I'm pleased you want to help. You're full of surprises, aren't you, miss Amaya?
[Amaya will check herself over, running her hands gently through the loose parts of her hair and gently checking over the braids--they seem to be perfectly snug and secure, and not even a single snarl to be found.]
I would say so, truly. Aneirin may have some competition, going forward; you exceeded my expectations.
[Still, Amaya turns to face Zvei, her gaze a little blank but...]
...I do not often try to be; it is usually unintentional. But I...do try my best, to live as sincerely as I can now that I have the opportunity. Even if I gain nothing in return from it. I do not need to. I am simply...happy to be of use, yes.
[...]
You really did memorize my hairstyle quite well. If you...ever wish to do this again, I would not mind if you did.
[And, without missing a beat, almost attempting to joke--]
It's almost as if you like this style on me. Maybe I'll have to see what else you like.
[Zvei grins at the praise; he's fallen right back into his usual demeanor, but then, of course he has. This is how he's lived his life for nearly the past seven years, it's simply easier this way.]
I would be delighted to help again, miss Amaya. Whenever you need your hair redone.
[But that joke gets a fake gasp from him, raising a hand to cover his mouth with a delighted grin.]
Oh dear, whatever gave you that idea? Surely it isn't because you're so exceptionally cute with that look— oops, I shouldn't be flattering you too much or I might risk embarrassing you again~
Oh? But you can call anyone cute! Why, there are quite a few people here who are very cute! Now you'd be forgiven if you started getting ideas were I to call you pretty or beautiful or perhaps even gorgeous, right?
[He says without an ounce of shame or a moment of hesitation...]
[...she is slowly realizing it, but is she going to stop??? not yet!!! please just ignore that she is growing redder and redder with each possible compliment--]
Sure you can, but that usually comes with implications. As do the rest of those...descriptive words. [Amaya is praying she doesn't look nearly as red in the face as she thinks she looks. She doesn't! ...She's redder!] But yes, those words would certainly give one ideas. In fact, I think it's...cute, that you have to resort to such hypothetical statements.
Have I somehow made you get shy?
[Let it be known that Amaya is stupid. (bottom text)]
Oh, miss Amaya... Have I ever given off the impression that I can be shy?
[that involves shame. do you think this man has shame??????]
Allow me to take this beyond the realm of the hypothetical, then! You are pretty, beautiful, and gorgeous - and perhaps the greatest compliment I can give: you're fascinating. There isn't anyone quite like you, and I'm incredibly pleased we've had the chance to meet and get to know one another.
[Oh. Oh, just ignore the sound in the background, it almost sounds like Amaya took a super effective hit in this Pokemon battle--
She's gonna fucking die, dear gods those words feel like the worst kind of knives because she knows he's saying shit. She just doesn't get why he's directing it at her of all people! Stop that!!!]
P-Please do not get me wrong, I am--in as much as I can feel anything, meeting you has been a blessing I would not trade for the world. But I am...even you must admit, I am quite plain in comparison to people like Miss Cantarella? Even Miss Lynne, she's quite cute too, I'm...
[Her words die in her throat, her gaze going elsewhere as she feels her soul dying.]
You're right that they are both very cute, but I see no reason to compare one sort of beauty to another. It's like that saying goes... apples and oranges, correct? Even if you are "plain" - something I would argue, by the way! - there is a certain beauty in that too. Why, if anything, your striking features and sometimes cold demeanor may make you even more attractive to certain people~
[But he laughs; the usual short and sharp outburst that quickly dies out.]
I'll stop teasing you if you'd like, miss Amaya. I don't mean to be too hard on you. I would just like you to appreciate your beauty for its own merits!
[This man. This godsforsaken man. Amaya's face has officially gone that bright, tomatoy red again as her eyes screw shut, but...]
...It really isn't you, Zvei. It's...I've never heard this before in my life, all be told. For reasons that are likely obvious.
[She was the venerated messiah and sacrifice of a cult. She was the girl who attempted to end all of Madide in her anger and pain. She's her father's daughter, she's the girl everyone avoids whenever she actually travels outside of Fefello Caelum. She's never had an opportunity to escape that shadow in the slightest.
Amaya's eyes open, though her gaze averts.]
That is...not to say that I doubt your sincerity in the slightest. And as much as it does embarrass me, it is...kind of you. To say such a thing about me. It's so very different to what I am used to, and it is...hard to accept.
[...]
And I suppose I feel a touch...guilty, for being unable to return such a feeling in any meaningful way. Though I do...like spending time with you, I think.
[It's half-response, half-hum to fill space as he tries to figure out how he wants to respond. He could tell her it's nothing personal, that he just likes flirting with attractive people, but it is personal in this case. It's personal because she hasn't had this before. Because she's accepted that she's "plain" (she certainly isn't).]
There's nothing to feel guilty about. If you don't feel the same way, then that's fine! Do note that it isn't going to stop me from trying to get a rise out of you here and there, though~
[Another short, sharp laugh, but he reins it in momentarily.]
I doubt I need to tell you, but it's hardly anything serious on my end. I can't feel anything all that serious to begin with! So rest assured, I take no offense. And you certainly aren't free of me - we're a bit too deep in now for that, I think.
[Mutually assured destruction, indeed. Amaya listens as Zvei speaks, pausing a bit as she does. Her blush thankfully lightens a bit, not quite as blazing on her face as she gets her composure back.]
I know. I wouldn't want it any other way, you know...this much, I know with certainty. To have someone who sees me as I really am, who I...don't have to present a front for--it is freeing. In as much as I can feel it, anyway.
[Amaya looks to Zvei, her gaze blank as ever, but there is something she tries to inflect; a sort of understanding in her eyes. Understanding without pity; acceptance without sympathy.]
I won't stop you, of course. You would not be you, if you did not do such a thing. And I do not want you to be anyone but yourself, in the end...no matter what form that takes.
[She lets out a small noise.]
...And maybe I wouldn't mind seeing if you could make me feel something genuine, someday.
[Zvei is always going to be aggressively himself. It's the one thing that cannot and will not change, no matter how much he may try to obscure from the others. Good thing Amaya's accepted him as he is, because he certainly isn't changing now.
But that? That sounds like a challenge. Zvei grins widely, even showing off his tiny pointed fangs.]
Hah, you really do make it sound like something worth working towards.
[And then, pressing a hand to his chest and stooping into a bow, with the utmost serious tone:] I vow to spend the rest of my days endeavoring to earn that genuine emotion from you, miss Amaya.
[He's still grinning when he rights himself, and tosses in a wink for good measure.]
Make sure to reward me well when I do accomplish it!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
necromants) wrote2025-11-01 09:01 pm
cw: suicidal ideation again
Precisely. Seven years of memories is not a lot - it's not enough. I don't know who I was, where I came from, or what happened to... result in me ending up like this.
[I don't know why I'm so different from everyone else or I don't know why I'm broken might be more accurate, but he chooses to word it more neutrally.]
I have. I found a solution - the Aeli itself. I've told you that it is akin to a god in our world. The World Tree is powerful beyond anything else in the world, even the magicaeli. If I couldn't reclaim my memories with those stones, then clearly I needed something more powerful.
I didn't agree to help Ruby Dawn for the sake of exploration. I agreed to help them so I could merge myself into the Aeli - to forcibly restore these memories, no matter the cost.
[He sets the brush aside; despite the intensity in his words, his hands are gentle as he braids her hair.]
I knew the cost of failure. I knew there was a very real chance that the Aeli would simply kill me for trying to merge with it. I also knew that if I didn't die, that Ruby Dawn would turn on me. And I knew that there was a possibility that taking this power for myself would upset the very balance of the world and risk ending all of Aelios - I didn't care. As long as I had a chance at my memories, I'd do anything.
[He leaves it there for now, the intensity almost burning; his words have become flatter, somehow more intense but yet more monotone than he usually is. There's none of the usual cheer present, for once.]
cws continued y'all know the drill--
...She's inwardly glad that whatever he did may not have actually worked, because he wouldn't be here, and isn't that more than a little unfair to him? As far as he knows, he just sprung from the tree fully formed. That isn't fair, to a man who deserves to know what his life was like beforehand, about who he was--]
...I understand. When you have so little lived experience and you know something so...brilliant, lies just outside of reach...it makes one want it even more. Even as self serving as your goals were, they're understandable; you had to know who you were. Even if it resulted in your...obliteration, it sounds like.
[...]
What happened, in the end?
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[It's back to the calm, easy tone. Like it really isn't all that important, despite being the driving force in his life for the past seven years. But that question...]
I almost succeeded. I did merge with the Aeli - for a brief period of time, we were one. It wasn't like your relationship with the Dragon; the Aeli and I merged entirely. Its consciousness and knowledge were mine, and mine belonged to it as well. I could see everything, I just needed a little more time to understand how to separate myself from the Aeli enough to make use of its power to dig out those lost memories—
[His voice speeds up as he speaks, going from the usual relaxed, carefree tone into something darker and more pressurized. Each word pick up pace until it's almost like he can't stop, even if he suddenly decided he wanted to. At least until he suddenly cuts himself off to breathe, shaking his head a bit as if to clear it.]
That friend I told you about, Fiona? She was the first one to try to stop me. She said if I continued this unchecked, I'd put the world in danger, and she couldn't allow that.
[...]
She looked... sad as she said it.
[It goes without saying he doesn't know why. Zvei's expression darkens for a moment into something that's almost bitter before it vanishes entirely.]
So I killed her. I killed many of them. Coworkers, comrades, people I'd known for the past several years... It didn't matter, not when I'd already come so far. I just needed a little longer with the Aeli and I would have succeeded.
...But I wasn't strong enough. In the end, they overpowered me, and yanked me free of the Aeli before I could find the answers I sought. If I'd had even another five minutes...
[...A soft exhale.]
Regardless, that's about when I found myself here.
[So close, and yet so godsdamned far.]
no subject
Amaya sees where the dots connect, but she's not sure if bringing up why Fiona could have acted that would help him at all. Or...any of it, really, because she understands it just a little too well.]
...How cruel of them, whether they knew it or not. Though I imagine that messing with the Aeli could have had disastrous consequences even outside of what you had done, I understand why you had to take that chance. Anything, to seize what's rightfully yours back.
...Anything, to seize the only thing that is yours back.
[Amaya's quiet when she says that much, but there's no pity or absolution in her tone. No judgement, either. Her own freedom danced at the edge of a blade she barely knew how to use before she made the stupid mistake of disarming herself. His freedom was in a place no one should be, and yet those stupid people yanked him out and brought him back. Out of a sense of...what, pity? Sadness?]
They must have thought they were saving you. Either that, or all sense truly left their head; regardless...I believe to an extent, I understand what you've gone through.
...Though I know not what else to say; I fear anything else would be considered...insulting, truly.
[...]
Thank you, for...sharing this much with me, regardless. [The gesture is deeply awkward when she does it, starting and stopping again as if she doesn't...know how to do it really, but a hand of hers goes and very briefly pats one of his that work on her hair.] It will not leave this room.
no subject
[The only thing that is his. Yes, that's exactly it. He won't truly be complete until he knows, and he won't ever understand his place in this damn world if he doesn't have that opportunity. To live without those memories simply isn't an option. Amaya understands that much, and it feels...
Complicated. It isn't a clear-cut, easy feeling. She doesn't pity him or judge him for it, and she understands. Shouldn't that be a good feeling? Shouldn't he be glad? But instead he feels...
Helpless. Like giving voice to all of this makes it real. Maybe it never truly sank in before now how completely screwed he is when he returns home. Or maybe it's just that he's never had anyone accept him for all of this and that's what's causing this strange feeling that makes him want to do something. Something destructive, maybe. He doesn't understand; more than he usually doesn't understand his own feelings.]
You've said enough, don't worry. I don't want or need pretty words; they certainly won't make any of this any easier.
[Her hand rises to meet his and he stills where he's fixing her braids; it's... not something he's used to. Physical affection. Fiona used to link arms with him or hold his hand, and he learned to tolerate it eventually (because there was no saying no to Fiona) and yet...
For some strange reason, he wants to grab her hand and never let go.
Zvei doesn't move until she withdraws her hand and he nods stiffly, mechanically.]
Yes. [He blinks owlishly and then shakes his head as if to clear it.] Yes, of course. I wouldn't particularly care... but it might make the others think I'm a threat. Better to keep it just between the two of us, hmm?
no subject
Amaya's face betrays nothing, when she speaks again.]
I agree. I've likewise handed you the means to have me considered a threat, too, should you desire it. It's as if we hold weapons to our very necks now; I believe one would call it mutually assured destruction.
I don't mind it.
[It's strange to say that, but it makes sense to Amaya. You only get something if you have something to offer back. It's mutual, it's assured. It's what makes sense.]
...Do you think that they will ever let you near it again, Zvei? Even if you were to tell them why?
[...]
If not...well. Gods only know how this place works, but Madide's magic works in strange and mysterious ways.
[Maybe it's a mistake, to say this much. Maybe he won't even see this for what it is, and a part of her hopes he doesn't.
But the offer, implicit as it is, stands.]
no subject
I wouldn't have trusted anyone else with it.
[And it's true. For as much as he likes some of the others, no one quite understands him like Amaya. No one else would freely offer him a blade, expecting nothing in return... and would willingly hold his, when offered, with no judgment or pity.
The questions get him to incline his head a bit, but he doesn't have to think about it.]
No. I'll be lucky if they don't have me executed for what I've done.
[Even if he told Lorraine everything... she wouldn't be okay with him risking endangering the world a second time. Hell, if anything, she's the one likely to call for his head first.
But Amaya continues and his mismatched eyes widen at that offer. She should know better than to risk it; even if her world doesn't work the same way Aelios does, he's already made it perfectly clear he'd do anything for his memories, including putting everyone at risk. He'd do it again, too. The only thing stopping him is that no one will let him get near the Aeli again.
Even so, Amaya offers. Even knowing the type of person he is, and that he doesn't regret a damn thing, she still offers.]
Miss Amaya... [A soft exhale; this one doesn't sound like a laugh.] I can never thank you enough, simply for your understanding and your trust. To think you'd even offer your world to me...
[He wants so badly to say yes. To sink his claws into her and never let go, ever again. So she can't leave him or turn on him or put herself in his way. A cruel, callous thought, when this woman has been denied her freedom for so long.]
Let's revisit this once our stay here is over. I'll have an answer for you then. There's much we have to learn about this place, after all - perhaps my memories are within reach even here.
...Thank you, though. Truly.
[And for once, the smile he gives her seems the tiniest bit softer, somehow.]
no subject
The words hit Amaya's ears and she's...honestly a little struck, when she hears him say that. The idea that he trusts her back on such a level is...strange. It makes her feel so, so very empty that she almost wishes she could get him to talk about something inane again, but she recognizes this for what it is. He...trusts her. Her, who's already proven she can lie to him. Her, who can't even return that gentleness, that softness as the rest of his words hit her...
It's a strange and empty feeling, and it makes her realize just how hollow she really is. That even the idea of making him so damned happy has made her own empty, wanting heart feel a deep sense of depression.
It doesn't hit her face, though. She just wishes she could smile to him.]
Then we shall do the utmost to leave no stone unturned, while we are here. To see if we cannot find the means with which to jog your memories, if possible.
[And yet, when she speaks again, her tone is intense--it isn't quite soft or kind, but it almost feels like an oath.]
It truly is no trouble, though. You really do deserve that chance.
And...well, I ought to repay you for the burden of taking care of me today somehow, yes?
no subject
Zvei laughs - the usual sharp, short laugh - and finally finishes with her hair, taking a step back.]
Let's see how you like it, first. I think I did a fairly good job of recreating your usual style!
[But her words truly make it clear that she does want to help. That this isn't just an offer of kindness, but one of desire. She wants to help him. A crazy, unbelievable idea, but one she puts forth with such sincerity that he has no choice but to believe her. Some part of him wishes he still had the excuse of his hands in his hair, just so he could remain close for a little while longer.]
You don't have to repay me, but I'm pleased you want to help. You're full of surprises, aren't you, miss Amaya?
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I would say so, truly. Aneirin may have some competition, going forward; you exceeded my expectations.
[Still, Amaya turns to face Zvei, her gaze a little blank but...]
...I do not often try to be; it is usually unintentional. But I...do try my best, to live as sincerely as I can now that I have the opportunity. Even if I gain nothing in return from it. I do not need to. I am simply...happy to be of use, yes.
[...]
You really did memorize my hairstyle quite well. If you...ever wish to do this again, I would not mind if you did.
[And, without missing a beat, almost attempting to joke--]
It's almost as if you like this style on me. Maybe I'll have to see what else you like.
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I would be delighted to help again, miss Amaya. Whenever you need your hair redone.
[But that joke gets a fake gasp from him, raising a hand to cover his mouth with a delighted grin.]
Oh dear, whatever gave you that idea? Surely it isn't because you're so exceptionally cute with that look— oops, I shouldn't be flattering you too much or I might risk embarrassing you again~
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[But oh, oh no you don't mister--Amaya can't grin or joke around like others can, but her head tips a bit as she simply stares at him.
(It takes all of her will not to rile, though he can likely see some pink on her cheeks.)]
Exceptionally cute? Truly, that's what you think of me? Why, Zvei...you could give a girl ideas, speaking like that.
[She's not going to back down, she totally has this!!! Surely he's just as capable of flushing--]
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Oh? But you can call anyone cute! Why, there are quite a few people here who are very cute! Now you'd be forgiven if you started getting ideas were I to call you pretty or beautiful or perhaps even gorgeous, right?
[He says without an ounce of shame or a moment of hesitation...]
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Sure you can, but that usually comes with implications. As do the rest of those...descriptive words. [Amaya is praying she doesn't look nearly as red in the face as she thinks she looks. She doesn't! ...She's redder!] But yes, those words would certainly give one ideas. In fact, I think it's...cute, that you have to resort to such hypothetical statements.
Have I somehow made you get shy?
[Let it be known that Amaya is stupid. (bottom text)]
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Oh, miss Amaya... Have I ever given off the impression that I can be shy?
[that involves shame. do you think this man has shame??????]
Allow me to take this beyond the realm of the hypothetical, then! You are pretty, beautiful, and gorgeous - and perhaps the greatest compliment I can give: you're fascinating. There isn't anyone quite like you, and I'm incredibly pleased we've had the chance to meet and get to know one another.
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[Oh. Oh, just ignore the sound in the background, it almost sounds like Amaya took a super effective hit in this Pokemon battle--
She's gonna fucking die, dear gods those words feel like the worst kind of knives because she knows he's saying shit. She just doesn't get why he's directing it at her of all people! Stop that!!!]
P-Please do not get me wrong, I am--in as much as I can feel anything, meeting you has been a blessing I would not trade for the world. But I am...even you must admit, I am quite plain in comparison to people like Miss Cantarella? Even Miss Lynne, she's quite cute too, I'm...
[Her words die in her throat, her gaze going elsewhere as she feels her soul dying.]
You--utterly incorrigible man--
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You're right that they are both very cute, but I see no reason to compare one sort of beauty to another. It's like that saying goes... apples and oranges, correct? Even if you are "plain" - something I would argue, by the way! - there is a certain beauty in that too. Why, if anything, your striking features and sometimes cold demeanor may make you even more attractive to certain people~
[But he laughs; the usual short and sharp outburst that quickly dies out.]
I'll stop teasing you if you'd like, miss Amaya. I don't mean to be too hard on you. I would just like you to appreciate your beauty for its own merits!
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...It really isn't you, Zvei. It's...I've never heard this before in my life, all be told. For reasons that are likely obvious.
[She was the venerated messiah and sacrifice of a cult. She was the girl who attempted to end all of Madide in her anger and pain. She's her father's daughter, she's the girl everyone avoids whenever she actually travels outside of Fefello Caelum. She's never had an opportunity to escape that shadow in the slightest.
Amaya's eyes open, though her gaze averts.]
That is...not to say that I doubt your sincerity in the slightest. And as much as it does embarrass me, it is...kind of you. To say such a thing about me. It's so very different to what I am used to, and it is...hard to accept.
[...]
And I suppose I feel a touch...guilty, for being unable to return such a feeling in any meaningful way. Though I do...like spending time with you, I think.
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[It's half-response, half-hum to fill space as he tries to figure out how he wants to respond. He could tell her it's nothing personal, that he just likes flirting with attractive people, but it is personal in this case. It's personal because she hasn't had this before. Because she's accepted that she's "plain" (she certainly isn't).]
There's nothing to feel guilty about. If you don't feel the same way, then that's fine! Do note that it isn't going to stop me from trying to get a rise out of you here and there, though~
[Another short, sharp laugh, but he reins it in momentarily.]
I doubt I need to tell you, but it's hardly anything serious on my end. I can't feel anything all that serious to begin with! So rest assured, I take no offense. And you certainly aren't free of me - we're a bit too deep in now for that, I think.
[Mutually assured destruction and all that.]
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I know. I wouldn't want it any other way, you know...this much, I know with certainty. To have someone who sees me as I really am, who I...don't have to present a front for--it is freeing. In as much as I can feel it, anyway.
[Amaya looks to Zvei, her gaze blank as ever, but there is something she tries to inflect; a sort of understanding in her eyes. Understanding without pity; acceptance without sympathy.]
I won't stop you, of course. You would not be you, if you did not do such a thing. And I do not want you to be anyone but yourself, in the end...no matter what form that takes.
[She lets out a small noise.]
...And maybe I wouldn't mind seeing if you could make me feel something genuine, someday.
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[Zvei is always going to be aggressively himself. It's the one thing that cannot and will not change, no matter how much he may try to obscure from the others. Good thing Amaya's accepted him as he is, because he certainly isn't changing now.
But that? That sounds like a challenge. Zvei grins widely, even showing off his tiny pointed fangs.]
Hah, you really do make it sound like something worth working towards.
[And then, pressing a hand to his chest and stooping into a bow, with the utmost serious tone:] I vow to spend the rest of my days endeavoring to earn that genuine emotion from you, miss Amaya.
[He's still grinning when he rights himself, and tosses in a wink for good measure.]
Make sure to reward me well when I do accomplish it!