[Amaya isn't even sure why she's elected to go and examine a house with Zvei. It's truly strange and almost...empty, yet the technology in the room is vast and deeply confusing to Amaya as they examine the building. She's honestly in awe of some of this nonsense??? Who knows if any of it actually works properly, but still. It manages to fascinate Amaya a bit, though...
Well, her face still hasn't left the realm of deeply neutral and more than slightly monotone. She does stick close to Zvei, however, as they both examine the house. If asked, she's definitely not scared of being spooked again, she swears it, but...
Well. Other than what food was in the kitchen...]
...Is it just me, or does this place seem like it was left in a hurry, Zvei? It makes one wonder just what these people fled from.
[Unsurprisingly, Zvei has found the technology in the kitchen absolutely fascinating. He's still in here, actually, currently messing with the knobs on the stove. Thankfully for everyone, he figured out how to turn off the stovetop so he will not be setting anything on fire today. He looks up with a grin when she returns.]
I'm not sure "fled" is the right word. It's almost more like they simply vanished. If they'd left on their own, surely they would have gathered up their valuables and things they wanted to bring with them, such as keepsakes. But the place looks mostly untouched aside from what they were in the middle of eating.
[He finally leaves the stove alone (thank god) and hums to himself as he thinks, a low, soft note.]
I could spend all day studying the technology here, but I don't think that's particularly useful to our little investigation. I'm not sure what happened here... perhaps they were simply taken away by ghosts!
[Eugh. Don't say it like that, Zvei!! Amaya does her best to keep it off of her face, but she neutrally regards the stove he was messing with and leans against the doorframe of the kitchen.]
All that lends to is a theory that we may have all been shuffled with these people, you know. I cannot imagine how people of this world would react to some of the things of our homelands...
[...]
I do hope they are alright, where ever they may be. I...think they would be distressed, if they saw what was happening now.
Perhaps it is for the best, that they are not here to witness such things.
Fascinating... Though I do hope that's not the case, as I'd rather be exploring the Aeli than have someone else in my place!
[Also they'd probably die. Terribly. But whatever!!]
You don't sound terribly distressed about this whole situation, you know.
[Neither does he. But he floats it anyway, because something she said earlier has stuck with him. She implied she couldn't be excited about the oddities of this place, and now she regards even such possibilities with the same muted calm that she's displayed almost the entire time he's been wandering around with her.
You truly cannot stand the idea of someone else taking what's yours--?
[...Ah.
Amaya seems to pause, when Zvei brings that observation to her attention. Much of her posture is always a little closed off; hands in front of her, clasped close to her. A posture that reflects none of the stress and fear Amaya may feel, and denying her own feelings to better serve the whole. That's who she is. That's who she must be, but...
Curious, still, that he calls her on this. Amaya's expression doesn't change, but she tips her head.]
Neither do you. [Remarkably evasive, that.] You seem to view this almost akin to a curiosity, more than anything.
...I wonder what that feels like.
[It's curious, almost observational in her own way. She doesn't really feel much more than annoyance with him, but it's...interesting, that this airheaded man already has made such an observation.
She's not sure how she feels about being read so easily. So she'll make him ask. Simple as that.]
[The first part... is not exactly right. It isn't about the discovery, or someone else claiming it first. It's about the Aeli itself, and what it can do for Zvei. But that's neither here nor there, so he simply won't address it. She's said some interesting things, after all.]
Isn't it? A place so vastly different from everything we know, with missing people and numerous questions left unanswered... aren't you curious? Don't you want to learn more about this place and why we're here?
[He pauses for a brief moment, as if considering.]
...Or is it that you truly don't feel that way at all?
...Or is it that you truly don't feel that way at all?
She really didn't expect him to manage that conclusion so easily, but--how annoying. How annoying it is to be unmasked by the most airheaded idiot savant among them, apparently. Amaya tenses, briefly, her brows knitting the slightest bit, but...
Well, there's no sense in hiding it, she supposes. Her look neutralizes just a little too quickly at that, her yellow eyes staring right at Zvei; cold and dead and blank.]
I do not. [That could easily be the answer to both questions. In a way, it sort of is, but...Amaya finds herself speaking despite the warning signs in her mind.] I don't...feel much of anything, if I may be candid with you. Such things are lost to me; most...entirely.
I try to do my best to act as I feel a normal person should, regardless.
[She has no reason to lie to him, when it paints her in such a dismal light. He'd know that better than anyone else. How often did he receive stares of disgust, fear, or concern when he voiced the truth? It took him far too long to learn to cover it. To find a kindred spirit here, of all places...]
Well, you aren't the only one. Like recognizes like, they say.
[There's hardly any harm in admitting it. Better to be honest about it than have her questioning his intentions for prying.]
Though make no mistake, much of my curiosity is genuine. It's the only thing I truly can feel. Perhaps the only thing that gives me reason to keep going, even.
[That's not true, but there's no need to get into that right now.]
[She doesn't like admitting it. It feels like painting a target on her back, or like trusting someone who isn't Aneirin. Someone who isn't using her like she uses them, someone who doesn't have a reason to keep this a secret. To keep her around, really. Or well...so it initially seems.
Amaya listens, though, her expression...a little surprised, though only briefly. Perhaps surprisingly, this explains a lot about him.]
...I see. Your curiosity is like a driving little spark, and the thing that propels you forward... [Amaya regards Zvei curiously, electing to get off of the door frame and look at him from the kitchen proper. Dull, but staring right at him as intensely as ever. The closest thing to intrigue she can express.] I wish I had something like that, truth be told. I am driven only because I have to be, myself. It is expected of a leader, and thus I try to imitate such things.
[Well, that sure was a murder, investigation, and trial all rolled into one! There's no telling exactly how things will go with Giyuu from now on, but that's not Zvei's problem. He's going to avoid volunteering for babysitting duty if he can help it. Lending his medical expertise to look at Giyuu's injuries is fine, babysitting is Not. Just Zvei things.
But that's neither here nor there, and the more pressing matter is that of Amaya. While reading a room is not exactly a thing Zvei's great at, he figures the woman was rather displeased by that - at the very least by the fact that they might have been Beryl's targets of choice had Giyuu not been awake enough to step in. Zvei's own thoughts on it can be summed up as "hahaha wow" so as usual, he's not exactly doing great in the emotional department.
(But then, why would he? It's not like he actually died. It's not like anyone he cared about actually died. It's not like any of this has any sort of impact on him, so why should he care?)
His search takes him to the library, where it is very hard not to get distracted by some of the things said earlier today. Apparently there's a good amount of things he hasn't seen here in the library that reveal more about this place... But that's something for another time. He came here with a purpose, and he's finally located the person behind that purpose.]
Miss Amaya! I was wondering where you wandered off to. Do you have a moment to talk?
[Privately goes unsaid, but he imagines she understands.]
[Amaya wishes she could just be right in the head. Everything about this trial, investigation, murder, blatant murder has something in her deeply riled. She's not sure if it's Giyuu's potential fate, the way the people spoke about him during the trial, or just the blatant fact that the more she looked at him, the more she started to believe he could've actually just gone out and killed Beryl is striking her as wrong, or maybe even the fate of being turned into a doll, it's--
(She's lived like that before, though not physically. Do they even know what they could be inflicting on him? Frankly she'd almost appreciate going eye for an eye and life for a life with this, but all of this is--)
Amaya has managed to find what she had assumed to be a nice, quiet corner in the library to be by herself and in her own head for a moment--with a horror novel and a teacup full of alcohol (and bottle next to her) because frankly, her sense of humor has always been a little off and she doesn't care if the rest take issue--but someone's voice cuts through the quiet, and...
...
If this were anyone else, she'd throw a book at them and tell them to go away. But Amaya will dog ear the page of her book, her gaze cold and irritated and a little distant, but nodding her head.]
Of course, Zvei. You're probably one of the few I'll give that to.
[Amaya sighs, not quite reaching aggravated; it doesn't quite reach light, but it sounds about as close as Amaya can manage.]
Don't go reading too much into it, but you're fine. Hopefully the locks on my room aren't as finicky, because I'd rather go there to avoid the rest of those...
[...Let's actually get to the room first before Amaya becomes a salt mine, come on, Zvei--thankfully she's short so keeping pace with her should be easy enough, though she is careful at least to make sure she doesn't lose him. It's more consideration than she's willing to offer most.
But come on in, once we're here; Amaya's room is as plain and basic as one would expect at least, though she's going to sit on her bed with the book she's got and just...]
I've been in rooms with some of the most idiotic people on Madide, Zvei, but I think today truly takes the cake.
[The first part gets a short, sharp laugh, but he leaves it for the time being. It's easy enough to keep up with Amaya's short legs with his own yaoi proportions, so in no time they're making themselves at home in her room. It's about the same as his own, just hopefully without ending up stuck in here.
Zvei takes the chair at the desk and doesn't even bother to hide his smirk. Why would he, when Amaya already knows (most of) the truth?]
Today certainly was something, wasn't it? Not a good "something" either. Though it would seem that they've terribly displeased you. Go on.
[...Zvei, you are officially her favorite person--]
I had truly wanted to give that stupid boy the benefit of the doubt, and I will happily acknowledge this. I wanted to believe that maybe, somehow, that this absolute moron had truly and accidentally reacted with too much force or that this was merely a matter of Mr. Beryl needing to be neutralized. If it had been truly cut and dry like that, it would have been understandable.
But no. [IF HER EYES COULD ROLL ANY HARDER, THEY'D GO TO THE BACK OF HER HEAD.] Frankly, at this point, I wouldn't even be surprised if Mr. Giyuu had just up and decided to kill the man with no recourse. Between that and knowing how close we were to being potential victims, and their positively idiotic talks about what to do with him and their pity...
[...]
Is it wrong, that I would have infinitely respected their decision more if they had just decided to go eye for an eye, so to speak?
All we have to go on are his words against the impressions Beryl gave off. It's rather unfortunate that his first impressions were so dreadful, otherwise we may have had an interesting conversation about the morality of killing someone nonhuman just because Giyuu assumed they were a threat.
[Granted, even that could have been a lie. There's really no telling. The facts are that Beryl was a werewolf, fought and injured Giyuu, and Giyuu decapitated him. Whether it was for the good of everyone else or not they can't say, and it's not like Zvei would judge the guy if he was lying about it. After all, better not to turn everyone against him, right?]
But I admit my perspective is unique as one of those nonhumans. I find the whole thing somewhat fascinating... but it grew quite dull very quickly. Far too many bleeding hearts among us... or perhaps too many of us unwilling to cause a scene so soon.
[Better not to turn the tide of public opinion against you. Look at what happened to Beryl.]
I don't think it's wrong at all. I can't say I personally care one way or another, but their insistence on mercy for someone who killed while accepting his story at face value is... odd. Perhaps I'm simply used to stricter rules and more severe punishment within the guild, but I can't imagine any of our leadership would have allowed him to go free with only a slap on the wrist.
Absolutely. You will not find me disagreeing with...any of that, really. I even live with plenty of nonhumans in Fefello Caelum, even if I've killed plenty as well who have attacked us; Aneirin is only one of quite a few of them, and they are just as capable of being amendable as anyone else. Granted, I could frankly care less about Mr. Beryl, antagonistic as he was, but he...
He did not deserve that. Giyuu could have very easily just disabled him if he truly thought the man a threat. All we have to go on are the words of a clearly biased party.
[...She's honestly a little more pissed about this than she thought, even with her discussion with Kaios. Ugh.
Still, Amaya listens to Zvei, and...well, she supposes that he was likely bored as hell with this. She can't blame him, truthfully.]
Their hearts bleed in a most disgusting manner. But I can almost guarantee you that if someone kills intentionally, they're all going to act like they're patron saints if they decide that the next one has no right to live. People do that far too often; say one thing, even though they never intend on following through.
["Amaya, please listen to us! The world is so much better than everything you've faced. The world has been so unfair to you, but that isn't all there is to it! There's better out there!"
"Stop..." A sobbing girl cries out, atop a beast hell-bent on destroying the world. "Stop this, stop, just--just STOP--"
"She's right, Amaya! The world is so bright and beautiful, and you just need to open your heart to it! We'll help, we promise we'll help!"
Lies. Lies, lies, lies--Amaya's look darkens and she shakes, deeply, before she takes another long drink.]
...People are so incredibly hypocritical and self serving. And for what? A boy who'll likely go and kill again? Pah.
But you are not wrong. In the face of a majority like that, it is...best not to cause a scene, for how fast they can turn. [...] I wonder how many of them voted for Mr. Beryl, truthfully.
[Frankly, Amaya is very glad that there's such an endless number of exhibits here; it means she can go into one and thoroughly, methodically destroy every single piece in there until it's barely anything but dust and the bigger pieces that cannot be destroyed. Amaya doesn't care. For this brief moment she can hurt something, she can be hurt and cut into by the these things and she doesn't have to care about whether they're going to hurt someone. Or even herself. She'd prefer it, but the instant healing factor means she can be as reckless as she wants to not think about how they're going to hail Nala as a hero after all of this. That poor precious Hyunjung is going to be babied, and Seymour's just going to be seen as a monster and not someone who's feeling should have been cared for in the same manner, it's--
It angers Amaya, more than she wants to admit. Because she doesn't doubt that they're all going to find some way to justify this in their heads. And she doesn't know if she can view them all the same, if so.
...
But perhaps more than anything, as Amaya leaves her destruction behind...she knows that someone else is going to need help to, and it's what sees her wandering the museum halls to find Zvei.
[Zvei sees to Yuki for the duration of the trial. He wants to help, regardless of their differing beliefs on Nala and Seymour and everything that mess of a trial was. But eventually he does have to take his leave, because he needs a moment to just... decompress, maybe. Get it all out of his system. The familiar spike of anger lingers like a dull ache in the back of his head, but...
It's been surpassed by something unfamiliar. A dull ache, like the ghost of a massive bruise long since healed. It tugs at him, distracting him from the distractions he sought out.
He found himself in the gardens, and meant to take the time to read through his notes and see if there's anything else he needs to write down. But the end result is that he's just sitting on the grass staring blankly at his notebook, looking over the same portion of the cipher over and over again without actually accomplishing anything.
The anger is a slow simmer, and the ache has become like white noise. Both feel unnatural and uncomfortable and he can't focus like this. If he could focus, then maybe he could drive them both away with a distraction, but instead... Well, instead he's just sort of staring at his notebook and doing a whole lot of nothing. He's remarkably still for someone who is usually so animated.]
[...He really is so still. Part of her had wanted to come to the garden to weave something, to give her hands something to do that isn't drawing--but Amaya sees Zvei in the grass and finds herself pausing at first. She's never asked him what in his notebook, and she's pretty sure she'd never understand it. But he looks so drained, and...
...
Amaya will go and pick some flowers, briefly--some beautiful, deep reds and pinks, carrying them in her arms before she simply mirrors Zvei's actions during the trial.
She walks right over, sitting shoulder to shoulder with him and elects to start working on weaving some of those flowers together.]
[Amaya enters and his mismatched red eyes follow her as she moves and picks flowers, then joins him, shoulder-to-shoulder. It's an automatic reaction more than a conscious one; he can never truly shut himself down when the threat of danger was ever-present in Aelios.
But slowly, slowly he starts to come back into himself, to fight through the dull ache and focus, just a little bit more. First on her words.]
...I don't know. [...] A little like I've been [stabbed?] punched in the ribs.
[Given the wording, it seems he was going for humor, but there's simply nothing in his voice.]
Not quite numb, and not... the usual emptiness. I think that should be good, but it doesn't feel very good.
[It means he cares, right? That he's still worked up about all of it in some way. If he'd just gone back to the usual apathy, then that would imply that none of it mattered to him. Maybe it would be preferable than these confusing, conflicting feelings, but it's hard to think that when it implies he wouldn't care about Seymour at all.]
Mmm. I imagine so, considering everything that's happened today. It was quite shocking.
[Amaya's words are distant, but she's here; she wants to make sure that this doesn't focus a single bit on herself, considering the fact that Zvei has had to hold onto both her and Yuki's mental health today.
It's his turn to be taken care of, as far as Amaya is concerned.]
...I imagine you must be upset with the proceedings; it can feel like a mental equivalent, of getting punched in the chest. Knocking all air out of you and rendering you shaken, and deeply so.
[Her words are a little clinical, but Amaya just idly weaves the flowers she's picked while she continues to work.]
Talk to me, more about this feeling you face. We can take it apart together, if that will help you. [...] But I am here to listen. I want to.
[Zvei watches her hands, the repetitive act of weaving the flowers together a good distraction to keep him focused on something and outside of his own head. The words come easier and more naturally as he settles.]
I feel anger. I can at least recognize that one now. But it's... less prominent, this time. [Let's not focus on when the last time was.] I'm angry at them for wanting to keep him alive, just so the hands could take him. I'm angry at them for acting as though what Nala did was at all justified. I'm angry at them for claiming that the cycle of bloodshed needs to end, when it only ends on a person they like.
[And he is angry, about all of that. The heat simmers even just talking about it, but it's like a flickering candle; it exists, but doesn't provide enough warmth or light to truly burst into an inferno.]
At the very least I can rest assured that he will join us soon, and better for him to be here with us than there with them.
[But that's not the only thing he's feeling, and explaining the other one...]
I also feel... lost, I think. I don't know how to describe it. It's a slow, dull ache that seeks to rip the breath from my lungs and strangle me. It... hurts, knowing that he was suffering and that no one could reach him.
[Did anyone even try? No. He doesn't want to think that they never tried at all.]
If things had been different at any point... could this have ended differently?
...They've all grown sick in the head. And here I thought they couldn't get much worse, but I'm not surprised. They would go parading Nala around like some sort of venerated heroine.
[Keeping him alive so they can watch their sick sense of justice play out? There's justice, yes, there's eye for an eye of course, but that? That is sickening, as far as Amaya's concerned. There's punishment and then there's torture, and at this point maybe they all should just--
...
This place has done terrible things to her head.]
Your anger is understandable, I think. The lot of them have become hypocrites of the highest order, and Seymour was the example used; while he did not tell me much of what you two spoke of, as I did not pry...he did value you. Highly. I can understand if the feeling was mutual.
[As for the rest...Amaya continues to weave, keeping a steady calm about her as she puzzles it out.]
...If I had to take a stab at that, I believe the feeling may be attributed to...mournful, in a way. Perhaps sorrowful, that he had to suffer so. But I can understand the feeling of being lost.
[...]
He...really has been a punching bag in this place, moreso than the others may even realize. And frankly, with their lack of any semblance of empathy, I wouldn't be surprised if they stuck their head in the ground and wanted to play pretend like a bunch of children. As if they hadn't worn a man down to nothing with their useless commentary. Like these actions aren't--
...I shouldn't be so venomous, but I understand what you are getting at. It does hurt, knowing this could have easily been avoided. Even the simplest bit of consideration...
[...]
Perhaps things could have played out differently. But you musn't trap yourself within your own mind with such thoughts; we cannot change the past.
After a moment of silence, Zvei drops his head to rest on Amaya's shoulder. His mismatched eyes are still on her hands and the flowers.]
I didn't know nearly enough about him before I passed. I wanted to learn more. He's such a fascinating individual.
I'm not surprised to hear that this place was doing a number on him, though. I saw it myself. He was... surprised that I even could find him attractive. I had to reassure him that I wasn't playing a cruel trick on him.
[And that was only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. How much worse did it get after Zvei died? Apparently the feeling was somewhat mutual, if Seymour was also hurt by Zvei's death.
But Amaya is right. He can't get trapped in the what ifs. He has to focus on the here and now, the present, and the people who still matter. On Yuki, where he fought against his selfishness and desire to just leave to try to do right by him. On Amaya, who has struggled all day and still gone out of her way just to make sure he's doing alright. On Seymour, who is undoubtedly going to have a difficult time adjusting here, because it won't be a kind reception waiting for him from most people.]
...Sorrow. I didn't think I could feel such a thing. It isn't something I've felt before— Actually.
[Now that he thinks about it... Maybe this isn't the first time. There was an undercurrent of this helplessness beneath the anger when Amaya was killed. That trial felt like an eternity of grappling with that fury, but this was always present beneath it, wasn't it? Now it's like the scales have been flipped, with this feeling outweighing the anger. Is it different because Seymour killed? He doesn't know. It's hard to even guess at it right now.]
I think you might be right. I felt this— last trial, as well.
[No sense in bringing up Amaya's death if he doesn't have to, and he presses on so she hopefully doesn't think too much about it.]
I wish the world would have been kinder to him, so he could appreciate himself more. I wish things hadn't gotten to this point... but wishing won't change anything. So I'll pull myself together tomorrow, and wait for him to arrive.
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necromants) wrote2025-11-01 09:01 pm
Week 0
Well, her face still hasn't left the realm of deeply neutral and more than slightly monotone. She does stick close to Zvei, however, as they both examine the house. If asked, she's definitely not scared of being spooked again, she swears it, but...
Well. Other than what food was in the kitchen...]
...Is it just me, or does this place seem like it was left in a hurry, Zvei? It makes one wonder just what these people fled from.
Have you found anything interesting...?
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I'm not sure "fled" is the right word. It's almost more like they simply vanished. If they'd left on their own, surely they would have gathered up their valuables and things they wanted to bring with them, such as keepsakes. But the place looks mostly untouched aside from what they were in the middle of eating.
[He finally leaves the stove alone (thank god) and hums to himself as he thinks, a low, soft note.]
I could spend all day studying the technology here, but I don't think that's particularly useful to our little investigation. I'm not sure what happened here... perhaps they were simply taken away by ghosts!
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All that lends to is a theory that we may have all been shuffled with these people, you know. I cannot imagine how people of this world would react to some of the things of our homelands...
[...]
I do hope they are alright, where ever they may be. I...think they would be distressed, if they saw what was happening now.
Perhaps it is for the best, that they are not here to witness such things.
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[Also they'd probably die. Terribly. But whatever!!]
You don't sound terribly distressed about this whole situation, you know.
[Neither does he. But he floats it anyway, because something she said earlier has stuck with him. She implied she couldn't be excited about the oddities of this place, and now she regards even such possibilities with the same muted calm that she's displayed almost the entire time he's been wandering around with her.
It's strange. It's interesting.]
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[...Ah.
Amaya seems to pause, when Zvei brings that observation to her attention. Much of her posture is always a little closed off; hands in front of her, clasped close to her. A posture that reflects none of the stress and fear Amaya may feel, and denying her own feelings to better serve the whole. That's who she is. That's who she must be, but...
Curious, still, that he calls her on this. Amaya's expression doesn't change, but she tips her head.]
Neither do you. [Remarkably evasive, that.] You seem to view this almost akin to a curiosity, more than anything.
...I wonder what that feels like.
[It's curious, almost observational in her own way. She doesn't really feel much more than annoyance with him, but it's...interesting, that this airheaded man already has made such an observation.
She's not sure how she feels about being read so easily. So she'll make him ask. Simple as that.]
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Isn't it? A place so vastly different from everything we know, with missing people and numerous questions left unanswered... aren't you curious? Don't you want to learn more about this place and why we're here?
[He pauses for a brief moment, as if considering.]
...Or is it that you truly don't feel that way at all?
[That you feel nothing? He wants to ask.]
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...Or is it that you truly don't feel that way at all?
She really didn't expect him to manage that conclusion so easily, but--how annoying. How annoying it is to be unmasked by the most airheaded idiot savant among them, apparently. Amaya tenses, briefly, her brows knitting the slightest bit, but...
Well, there's no sense in hiding it, she supposes. Her look neutralizes just a little too quickly at that, her yellow eyes staring right at Zvei; cold and dead and blank.]
I do not. [That could easily be the answer to both questions. In a way, it sort of is, but...Amaya finds herself speaking despite the warning signs in her mind.] I don't...feel much of anything, if I may be candid with you. Such things are lost to me; most...entirely.
I try to do my best to act as I feel a normal person should, regardless.
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[She has no reason to lie to him, when it paints her in such a dismal light. He'd know that better than anyone else. How often did he receive stares of disgust, fear, or concern when he voiced the truth? It took him far too long to learn to cover it. To find a kindred spirit here, of all places...]
Well, you aren't the only one. Like recognizes like, they say.
[There's hardly any harm in admitting it. Better to be honest about it than have her questioning his intentions for prying.]
Though make no mistake, much of my curiosity is genuine. It's the only thing I truly can feel. Perhaps the only thing that gives me reason to keep going, even.
[That's not true, but there's no need to get into that right now.]
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[She doesn't like admitting it. It feels like painting a target on her back, or like trusting someone who isn't Aneirin. Someone who isn't using her like she uses them, someone who doesn't have a reason to keep this a secret. To keep her around, really. Or well...so it initially seems.
Amaya listens, though, her expression...a little surprised, though only briefly. Perhaps surprisingly, this explains a lot about him.]
...I see. Your curiosity is like a driving little spark, and the thing that propels you forward... [Amaya regards Zvei curiously, electing to get off of the door frame and look at him from the kitchen proper. Dull, but staring right at him as intensely as ever. The closest thing to intrigue she can express.] I wish I had something like that, truth be told. I am driven only because I have to be, myself. It is expected of a leader, and thus I try to imitate such things.
...This is why you fell into research, isn't it?
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week 0, post-trial
But that's neither here nor there, and the more pressing matter is that of Amaya. While reading a room is not exactly a thing Zvei's great at, he figures the woman was rather displeased by that - at the very least by the fact that they might have been Beryl's targets of choice had Giyuu not been awake enough to step in. Zvei's own thoughts on it can be summed up as "hahaha wow" so as usual, he's not exactly doing great in the emotional department.
(But then, why would he? It's not like he actually died. It's not like anyone he cared about actually died. It's not like any of this has any sort of impact on him, so why should he care?)
His search takes him to the library, where it is very hard not to get distracted by some of the things said earlier today. Apparently there's a good amount of things he hasn't seen here in the library that reveal more about this place... But that's something for another time. He came here with a purpose, and he's finally located the person behind that purpose.]
Miss Amaya! I was wondering where you wandered off to. Do you have a moment to talk?
[Privately goes unsaid, but he imagines she understands.]
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(She's lived like that before, though not physically. Do they even know what they could be inflicting on him? Frankly she'd almost appreciate going eye for an eye and life for a life with this, but all of this is--)
Amaya has managed to find what she had assumed to be a nice, quiet corner in the library to be by herself and in her own head for a moment--with a horror novel and a teacup full of alcohol (and bottle next to her) because frankly, her sense of humor has always been a little off and she doesn't care if the rest take issue--but someone's voice cuts through the quiet, and...
...
If this were anyone else, she'd throw a book at them and tell them to go away. But Amaya will dog ear the page of her book, her gaze cold and irritated and a little distant, but nodding her head.]
Of course, Zvei. You're probably one of the few I'll give that to.
Do you have a preference on where to go?
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Aww, I'm flattered~
[But he can't resist being a pain about it!! Anyway.]
Anywhere you'd like is fine. Apologies for interrupting your alone time.
[And then, after a moment of thought...]
Though perhaps not my room, just in case we get locked in again.
[lmao.]
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Don't go reading too much into it, but you're fine. Hopefully the locks on my room aren't as finicky, because I'd rather go there to avoid the rest of those...
[...Let's actually get to the room first before Amaya becomes a salt mine, come on, Zvei--thankfully she's short so keeping pace with her should be easy enough, though she is careful at least to make sure she doesn't lose him. It's more consideration than she's willing to offer most.
But come on in, once we're here; Amaya's room is as plain and basic as one would expect at least, though she's going to sit on her bed with the book she's got and just...]
I've been in rooms with some of the most idiotic people on Madide, Zvei, but I think today truly takes the cake.
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Zvei takes the chair at the desk and doesn't even bother to hide his smirk. Why would he, when Amaya already knows (most of) the truth?]
Today certainly was something, wasn't it? Not a good "something" either. Though it would seem that they've terribly displeased you. Go on.
[Let the salt flow!!!]
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I had truly wanted to give that stupid boy the benefit of the doubt, and I will happily acknowledge this. I wanted to believe that maybe, somehow, that this absolute moron had truly and accidentally reacted with too much force or that this was merely a matter of Mr. Beryl needing to be neutralized. If it had been truly cut and dry like that, it would have been understandable.
But no. [IF HER EYES COULD ROLL ANY HARDER, THEY'D GO TO THE BACK OF HER HEAD.] Frankly, at this point, I wouldn't even be surprised if Mr. Giyuu had just up and decided to kill the man with no recourse. Between that and knowing how close we were to being potential victims, and their positively idiotic talks about what to do with him and their pity...
[...]
Is it wrong, that I would have infinitely respected their decision more if they had just decided to go eye for an eye, so to speak?
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[Granted, even that could have been a lie. There's really no telling. The facts are that Beryl was a werewolf, fought and injured Giyuu, and Giyuu decapitated him. Whether it was for the good of everyone else or not they can't say, and it's not like Zvei would judge the guy if he was lying about it. After all, better not to turn everyone against him, right?]
But I admit my perspective is unique as one of those nonhumans. I find the whole thing somewhat fascinating... but it grew quite dull very quickly. Far too many bleeding hearts among us... or perhaps too many of us unwilling to cause a scene so soon.
[Better not to turn the tide of public opinion against you. Look at what happened to Beryl.]
I don't think it's wrong at all. I can't say I personally care one way or another, but their insistence on mercy for someone who killed while accepting his story at face value is... odd. Perhaps I'm simply used to stricter rules and more severe punishment within the guild, but I can't imagine any of our leadership would have allowed him to go free with only a slap on the wrist.
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He did not deserve that. Giyuu could have very easily just disabled him if he truly thought the man a threat. All we have to go on are the words of a clearly biased party.
[...She's honestly a little more pissed about this than she thought, even with her discussion with Kaios. Ugh.
Still, Amaya listens to Zvei, and...well, she supposes that he was likely bored as hell with this. She can't blame him, truthfully.]
Their hearts bleed in a most disgusting manner. But I can almost guarantee you that if someone kills intentionally, they're all going to act like they're patron saints if they decide that the next one has no right to live. People do that far too often; say one thing, even though they never intend on following through.
["Amaya, please listen to us! The world is so much better than everything you've faced. The world has been so unfair to you, but that isn't all there is to it! There's better out there!"
"Stop..." A sobbing girl cries out, atop a beast hell-bent on destroying the world. "Stop this, stop, just--just STOP--"
"She's right, Amaya! The world is so bright and beautiful, and you just need to open your heart to it! We'll help, we promise we'll help!"
Lies. Lies, lies, lies--Amaya's look darkens and she shakes, deeply, before she takes another long drink.]
...People are so incredibly hypocritical and self serving. And for what? A boy who'll likely go and kill again? Pah.
But you are not wrong. In the face of a majority like that, it is...best not to cause a scene, for how fast they can turn. [...] I wonder how many of them voted for Mr. Beryl, truthfully.
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1/2. fuck you you get the second part tomorrow
2/2 cws: Cult Bullshit, child abuse, manipulation
cws continue, probably for the rest of this thread
:kyuuchan_nod: (additonal cws going forward: children murdering people, abandonment)
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slaps on a cw: suicidal ideation (minor now, might go more major later)
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and one last one, cw: discussion of possession
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cw: suicidal ideation again
cws continued y'all know the drill--
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w3 deadland; post trial pre-execution (cw: minor mention of self harm)
It angers Amaya, more than she wants to admit. Because she doesn't doubt that they're all going to find some way to justify this in their heads. And she doesn't know if she can view them all the same, if so.
...
But perhaps more than anything, as Amaya leaves her destruction behind...she knows that someone else is going to need help to, and it's what sees her wandering the museum halls to find Zvei.
Where has he gone, once all is said and done?]
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It's been surpassed by something unfamiliar. A dull ache, like the ghost of a massive bruise long since healed. It tugs at him, distracting him from the distractions he sought out.
He found himself in the gardens, and meant to take the time to read through his notes and see if there's anything else he needs to write down. But the end result is that he's just sitting on the grass staring blankly at his notebook, looking over the same portion of the cipher over and over again without actually accomplishing anything.
The anger is a slow simmer, and the ache has become like white noise. Both feel unnatural and uncomfortable and he can't focus like this. If he could focus, then maybe he could drive them both away with a distraction, but instead... Well, instead he's just sort of staring at his notebook and doing a whole lot of nothing. He's remarkably still for someone who is usually so animated.]
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...
Amaya will go and pick some flowers, briefly--some beautiful, deep reds and pinks, carrying them in her arms before she simply mirrors Zvei's actions during the trial.
She walks right over, sitting shoulder to shoulder with him and elects to start working on weaving some of those flowers together.]
...How are you feeling, after all of that?
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But slowly, slowly he starts to come back into himself, to fight through the dull ache and focus, just a little bit more. First on her words.]
...I don't know. [...] A little like I've been [stabbed?] punched in the ribs.
[Given the wording, it seems he was going for humor, but there's simply nothing in his voice.]
Not quite numb, and not... the usual emptiness. I think that should be good, but it doesn't feel very good.
[It means he cares, right? That he's still worked up about all of it in some way. If he'd just gone back to the usual apathy, then that would imply that none of it mattered to him. Maybe it would be preferable than these confusing, conflicting feelings, but it's hard to think that when it implies he wouldn't care about Seymour at all.]
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[Amaya's words are distant, but she's here; she wants to make sure that this doesn't focus a single bit on herself, considering the fact that Zvei has had to hold onto both her and Yuki's mental health today.
It's his turn to be taken care of, as far as Amaya is concerned.]
...I imagine you must be upset with the proceedings; it can feel like a mental equivalent, of getting punched in the chest. Knocking all air out of you and rendering you shaken, and deeply so.
[Her words are a little clinical, but Amaya just idly weaves the flowers she's picked while she continues to work.]
Talk to me, more about this feeling you face. We can take it apart together, if that will help you. [...] But I am here to listen. I want to.
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I feel anger. I can at least recognize that one now. But it's... less prominent, this time. [Let's not focus on when the last time was.] I'm angry at them for wanting to keep him alive, just so the hands could take him. I'm angry at them for acting as though what Nala did was at all justified. I'm angry at them for claiming that the cycle of bloodshed needs to end, when it only ends on a person they like.
[And he is angry, about all of that. The heat simmers even just talking about it, but it's like a flickering candle; it exists, but doesn't provide enough warmth or light to truly burst into an inferno.]
At the very least I can rest assured that he will join us soon, and better for him to be here with us than there with them.
[But that's not the only thing he's feeling, and explaining the other one...]
I also feel... lost, I think. I don't know how to describe it. It's a slow, dull ache that seeks to rip the breath from my lungs and strangle me. It... hurts, knowing that he was suffering and that no one could reach him.
[Did anyone even try? No. He doesn't want to think that they never tried at all.]
If things had been different at any point... could this have ended differently?
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[Keeping him alive so they can watch their sick sense of justice play out? There's justice, yes, there's eye for an eye of course, but that? That is sickening, as far as Amaya's concerned. There's punishment and then there's torture, and at this point maybe they all should just--
...
This place has done terrible things to her head.]
Your anger is understandable, I think. The lot of them have become hypocrites of the highest order, and Seymour was the example used; while he did not tell me much of what you two spoke of, as I did not pry...he did value you. Highly. I can understand if the feeling was mutual.
[As for the rest...Amaya continues to weave, keeping a steady calm about her as she puzzles it out.]
...If I had to take a stab at that, I believe the feeling may be attributed to...mournful, in a way. Perhaps sorrowful, that he had to suffer so. But I can understand the feeling of being lost.
[...]
He...really has been a punching bag in this place, moreso than the others may even realize. And frankly, with their lack of any semblance of empathy, I wouldn't be surprised if they stuck their head in the ground and wanted to play pretend like a bunch of children. As if they hadn't worn a man down to nothing with their useless commentary. Like these actions aren't--
...I shouldn't be so venomous, but I understand what you are getting at. It does hurt, knowing this could have easily been avoided. Even the simplest bit of consideration...
[...]
Perhaps things could have played out differently. But you musn't trap yourself within your own mind with such thoughts; we cannot change the past.
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After a moment of silence, Zvei drops his head to rest on Amaya's shoulder. His mismatched eyes are still on her hands and the flowers.]
I didn't know nearly enough about him before I passed. I wanted to learn more. He's such a fascinating individual.
I'm not surprised to hear that this place was doing a number on him, though. I saw it myself. He was... surprised that I even could find him attractive. I had to reassure him that I wasn't playing a cruel trick on him.
[And that was only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. How much worse did it get after Zvei died? Apparently the feeling was somewhat mutual, if Seymour was also hurt by Zvei's death.
But Amaya is right. He can't get trapped in the what ifs. He has to focus on the here and now, the present, and the people who still matter. On Yuki, where he fought against his selfishness and desire to just leave to try to do right by him. On Amaya, who has struggled all day and still gone out of her way just to make sure he's doing alright. On Seymour, who is undoubtedly going to have a difficult time adjusting here, because it won't be a kind reception waiting for him from most people.]
...Sorrow. I didn't think I could feel such a thing. It isn't something I've felt before— Actually.
[Now that he thinks about it... Maybe this isn't the first time. There was an undercurrent of this helplessness beneath the anger when Amaya was killed. That trial felt like an eternity of grappling with that fury, but this was always present beneath it, wasn't it? Now it's like the scales have been flipped, with this feeling outweighing the anger. Is it different because Seymour killed? He doesn't know. It's hard to even guess at it right now.]
I think you might be right. I felt this— last trial, as well.
[No sense in bringing up Amaya's death if he doesn't have to, and he presses on so she hopefully doesn't think too much about it.]
I wish the world would have been kinder to him, so he could appreciate himself more. I wish things hadn't gotten to this point... but wishing won't change anything. So I'll pull myself together tomorrow, and wait for him to arrive.
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1/9 no i'm not joking my only regret is i couldn't find a way to make it 10
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9/9 FINALLY
JESUS CHRISTMAS. 1/2
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listen. it was really funny. so i had to.
you are so valid. one must be in a committed relationship with their bit.
EXACTLY.
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