[It takes him longer than it probably should to understand where she's going with this, and he adjusts to look at her again as she speaks. She can probably see the lightbulb click right before she spells it out so plainly.]
Oh! I knew he was important to you, though I hadn't realized you two were that close.
[A nod! This makes her reactions at the trial make more sense, he thinks. Though what does that say about his own— you know what, let's not examine that.]
What I want is for you to be as happy as you can be, Amaya. Why should you have to choose - assuming Seymour feels the same way, though I can't see why he wouldn't - when I'm perfectly happy knowing you're content?
[Thankfully, Zvei doesn't have a jealous bone in his body when it comes to relationships.]
...Though I suppose I do understand your concern with the timing of it. I'm pleased you figured out your feelings towards him as well, though!
[It comes out a little shaky when Amaya says it, but...there's no doubt that she's at least a little relieved about that, her body relaxing a touch. Sure, Aneirin brings back different men some nights to his quarters, and Princess Maribell literally has a harem she manages to keep up with so well that Amaya wonders how, but...
It's not a universally accepted way of life, and Amaya knows this. But hearing Zvei say that much manages to get her look to soften, and you know what. Another smooch for you, Zvei, this one on the cheek.]
Truthfully, I didn't realize we were this close either. He's...well. One of the first few who found out everything about me, and we simply kept seeking one another out afterwards. Caring for each other in the only ways we knew how, but it wasn't something I had been willing to examine further. But...
...Thank you. I promise this does not mean I love you any less. But I want to make him happy, as well somehow.
Maybe I can convince him to come with us as well...
[Rewarded for good behavior!! Zvei grins, tiny fangs visible.]
There's certainly nothing wrong with having enough love to give - and I'm delighted to hear that you want to share it with him. I think he could use it.
[...think...ing...]
Does this mean I should stop calling him attractive?
[like. he's really only hit on the two of you, but. maybe he shouldn't do that now??? what the hell is being in a relationship, he doesn't know.]
[...You know, she actually has to think about that for a second, but...]
No? I don't think so, at least. If that's what you wish to say, I...well. Be gentle with him about it, but I don't think I have a single problem with you saying such things to him. You're objectively correct, after all.
Absolutely. I'm starting to think that the populace here are blind, or simply do not know how to appreciate a well sculpted body. And with his voice, too...
[the realization
these fucking idiots heads,,,]
Truly, I think if anything it might be nice for him to hear that. So please, do not worry overmuch. You may do as you wish, as long as you come back to me sometimes.
I agree. He certainly needs to have some more confidence in his appearance.
[But he gets why Seymour doesn't, because yeesh.]
But you never need to worry about that. I'll always return to you, no matter what.
[Though he needs time to study the exhibits, write notes, hang out with Yuki, go visit Seymour, and pamper Amaya... He's gonna be so busy!! No wonder next week hits him like a truck. (This is not the reason why.)]
...Maybe if everything goes well, we'll be able to.
[Amaya at least wants to be optimistic that they can both reach Seymour. They were the first to try; hopefully not the only, but...it would be very nice, for Seymour to be able to have some time to breathe and recover, if only a touch.
Amaya will put the finishing touches on the wreath, checking it over meticulously for anything insecure--and nods her head at the finished product. It's definitely just that and not trying to distract herself because her face is absolutely going pink at such a pure show of devotion.
[The first part earns a soft hum of acknowledgement. There's no telling how Seymour will take being dead ("dead"?) and if they'll even be able to reach him to begin with. No sense getting ahead of themselves.
But oh look, Amaya finished! Zvei grins, squeezing her a bit.]
I'm pleased to hear it. But let's see how this looks on, shall we?
[He finally does relinquish his position on Amaya's shoulder, though doesn't let go entirely. He assumes she'll be wearing the wreath herself and wants to see how cute she is in it!! The blush even matches—]
[He can assume that if he wants! ...Amaya lets out a small noise at the squeeze, looking to Zvei for a moment with those softened eyes.]
...Usually, I'd decorate the front of a door with this. But...I suppose I would not mind, seeing how wearable it is.
[And see. You might think she'd be putting this on herself, and she stares at the wreath for a moment when she picks it up, though it might be obvious if Zvei catches her looking back and forth at him and the wreath...
If he's otherwise unopposed, though. Ta-da! One wreath hat for you, Zvei. ...If she's allowed she is going to try and be a grandma for a second and adjust it so it fits nicely, but...]
...I knew that reds would be nice on you, but pink goes well too. With your eyes. Perhaps next time I should find some white and black, too.
[...He really does look cute like this, Amaya's mind is finding. It's actually kind of nice...]
I'd say your eyes are definitely one of your more striking features. [With Amaya's hands newly freed and their privacy...well, Amaya allows her hand to come up (shakily, still somewhat shakily because she's always going to be a little too cautious) to brush against his cheek.] I like them; their contrast is...pleasing; it draws the eye to them, and they're easy to stare at for long periods of time.
[...amaya isn't good at this, but she really does like them. They're cute. And his laugh is really cute too, actually...]
[He leans into her hand with a soft hum of approval, nuzzling against it as if to keep her there.]
...I didn't like them, at first. I didn't like anything that made me look so different from humans. I blamed my inability to connect with them on my physical differences, at first. I thought maybe if I looked like them, they'd accept me easier.
[He laughs, a short, sharp burst that isn't nearly as pleased.]
Eventually I realized my mistake. It wasn't my appearance that was the problem.
[...Actually, he is the tiniest bit pink, but don't worry about it—]
Somewhere along the way I learned to stop caring so much about what others think of me. If they find me scary or off-putting or ugly, I don't really care. Besides, I've found people who like me for... well, me.
[Okay, she has to tease just a little bit, as a treat--but Amaya does nod her head in understanding to that statement, though.]
...It is what one has to do, sometimes. To find their own reason for being, and living; to not allow others' opinions to shape them, but to stand on their own, proud of who they are or who they wish to be.
[...]
For what it is worth, I think there's plenty in you to like, Zvei. But I understand; I truly didn't expect it either.
[The teasing gets another pleased laugh from him; how cute... But he settles a bit at the more serious topic.]
I'm not. It feels strange, knowing that I'm not on my own anymore.
[...]
...Will you... still like me once I regain my memories?
[An unfair question to ask, when no one knows what his memories hold. He could have been far worse. He could have been far better, too. He could have been anything, anyone else, and maybe that person wouldn't get along with Amaya the way "Zvei" does. It isn't fair to ask her for something she can't answer now. He knows that.
And yet selfishly, he hopes she'll say yes. That she'll always care for him; that he can always have this, even when he isn't the person she likes anymore.]
[Amaya's quiet for a good moment, once he says that; she knows that it's important to him to ask, in case he's different from the man she knows in the future once he gets his memories back. Amaya's head tilts slightly, and she finds herself taking both of his hands into hers if he'll let her.]
Zvei, you truly don't listen well. [Despite the words, there's nothing harsh in Amaya's tone at all; it's...blank, but perhaps trying to inflect some sort of warmth.] What do you think I meant, when I said I would love you no matter what the future holds?
[And to that, before he can get any smart ideas of speaking up--she's gonna try and give him a quick kiss to shush him really quick before pulling back.]
It means no matter who you are, at the end of your road, I will be there. Whether you decide to stay or not is...
[...]
It is your choice, in the end. But my word is my oath.
[That rubbed way too much against her abandonment issues. But she means every word of it.]
[opens his mouth to say a thing, is immediately kissed and shuts up. truly, who knew the solution to getting him to stop Yapping was to kiss him??
There's a lot in there he should address, but one thing stands out above all others, and Amaya's scarcely done speaking before he responds.]
I don't want to go anywhere else. I want to be right here, beside you.
[His grip on her hands tightens sharply; it might be painful, were they able to feel pain in this place.]
I can't return to Aelios anyway, not after what I've done. That life... I can't return to it as if nothing happened. And even if I could, how could I choose that over you?
[It's open, honest, a question he hasn't even thought to ask himself before, because nothing in Zvei's life ever mattered anywhere near as much as his memories. But now something - someone - does, and suddenly he realizes that this isn't the sort of thing that can be solved as neatly as he thought it could. He planed on leaving Zvei behind entirely. He didn't think there was any part of Zvei worth keeping.
But Amaya likes Zvei. Yuki likes Zvei. Seymour likes Zvei. And all of them have said that they were happy to meet him as he is now, even without his memories. There's no telling if they'll like the person he becomes with those memories. And if he can't return to that life...
—then what's the point in those memories in the first place?
Won't it just upset him, to know of a life he can't return to? Won't it just make things worse? It's not as though his memories will explain everything about him, no matter how many times he's desperately convinced himself of that. He clung to it because it was the only possible explanation, the only possible way forward. But here, now, with people who care about Zvei, who don't need him to explain why he's like this—]
I'm not going anywhere. [Desperate, now; a promise, an oath, a plea to himself to please, please listen—] I want to be right here. I want you, Amaya, I... There isn't anything I want more.
[...The realization that those words may actually be completely honest is chilling.]
[Amaya pauses for a moment while she listens to him speak, and her expression knits itself to outright worry as he continues. It feels so desperate, the way he says all of that--for a brief moment, she wonders if she's said too much, if she's making him do something he doesn't want by doing this. She's...
She's left wondering, for a moment, what she can do. Why he brings up Aelios again, even though he can't go back. She's not going to let him, and frankly he shouldn't, he deserves this chance to life as he sees fit and--
...
Oh. Maybe Amaya is wrong about this, but...oh, come on Zvei, can she hug you--]
...Zvei, please know that I do not doubt your promise to me. Not the weight, nor the devotion of said promise; I have not doubted it now, and I will not. You will not lose me. I...want you too, Zvei.
But...you're distressed. I've only seen you so distressed earlier, when we misunderstood one another--what's wrong?
[She moves to hug him and he latches on, grip unbelievably tight. Like maybe she'll pull back, or maybe so he can keep her from looking at him like this. He doesn't know. There's so damn much about this that he just doesn't know.
But she brings up a good point - Amaya doesn't know what's going on inside his head. She doesn't know why he's reacting like this, and it's only fair to explain it to her. But how does he do that? How does he even begin addressing any of this? He'd rather not - he'd rather just forget all about this and go back to thinking about Seymour's arrival or focusing on the exhibits in the museum or doing literally anything else—
But he has to try. She'll worry about him even more if he doesn't.]
...What if I'm wrong? What if all of this - all the work I've done for the past seven years - what if I turn my back on it? What if I decide to be "Zvei" and not pursue the past any further? I can't... I can't just let it go...
[Amaya embraces Zvei, gently pulling him in and guiding him toward her shoulder if he needs to...well. Break in relative privacy. Amaya listens as he talks, granting him her undivided attention. What he speaks of is surprising, yet with this entire conversation...no, it's not so much so. He's caught at an impasse; there's a strong possibility that Zvei would no longer exist, if his memories were to come back. If his memories were of someone different, Amaya would still love him, but...
There's no good answer for this, Amaya is finding. But she threads a hand into his hair, gently, and she speaks softly.]
Zvei. That is a choice you must make for yourself; you know how I feel about the agency of others. I will not try to direct you one way or another, of this I promise.
But allow me to ask you something. What would make you happiest? Going back to a life you do not know, but that will explain everything of you...or embracing the life you have made now, finding out who "Zvei" is deep down, and embracing him instead?
Most people, from what I am to understand...they live their lives simply poking and prodding all that they can, in order to find out who they are. It is what makes people such...rich tapestries; that journey into the unknown, and finding out who they are only at the end of that road.
...And I know not a concrete answer, unfortunately. But what I do know is this; that I intend to stay by you, regardless of your decision. If you pursue these memories to the end of the earth, I'll tear Madide asunder again to help you. If you decide to live your life now, as "Zvei" forevermore, I will embrace you with my whole heart.
[...]
If you're wrong, then it doesn't have to be the end. It can be a new beginning, a rebirth all it's own if you wish.
Because...I do think there's plenty of merit in the "Zvei" I have seen; the person I love, so very dearly.
[It isn't as simple as asking someone else what to do. He knows that. And if anyone tried to tell him what to do, he'd likely get contrary about it. So he knows her words are right, and yet it doesn't stop the sinking feeling in him. The feeling that he's going to have to choose and live with that choice, and he doesn't know what the correct choice is anymore.
The fact that there isn't one clear-cut, obviously correct choice is already a damnation in and of itself. How does he live with doubt, when his entire remembered life has been tirelessly working towards that one singular goal?
What would make you happiest? She asks, like he could have an answer to that. He doesn't know. The things that have made him happy here are the people, and being accepted by them. "Zvei" has them, but his (true?) self does not. Maybe they wouldn't leave. Maybe everything would still work out just fine. But what if the puzzle pieces no longer fit together, and he's changed too much?
But on the flip side of that, is he truly fine being "Zvei", when he's spent the past seven years desperately trying to find his memories to escape "Zvei"?]
...Even knowing all of my flaws, you'd say that?
[It's not that he doubted her confession earlier. It's just... he needs to hear it. He needs to hear that Zvei means the world to her, because that's—]
Even if I never change, never am able to do any better... Even if I always struggle with feelings and empathy and understanding others... You'll still love me?
[He's quiet for a long moment and then his shoulders begin to shake.]
That's a stupid question, isn't it?
[It's obvious that he's laughing now; soft, and somewhere between deeply amused and wry.]
Because I love you just as you are. I wouldn't care if you never change. I love the Amaya before me, and that's not changing, no matter what. That's how you feel about me, isn't it?
I just want you to be as happy as you can be. That's what you want for me as well, right? Wherever that ends up taking me.
[Amaya listens for a little bit, letting him sort himself out; patience has been something of a virtue of hers, and she's more than willing to let Zvei sort himself out and take care of himself. Slow but sure, a hand of hers comes up and winds itself in Zvei's hair, gently running through it in a manner that's just like how Aneirin does to hers.
...It's a little more awkward when she does it, but that first part gets an easy answer.]
Of course I will. You mean so very much to me, and you...
[But then Zvei speaks again, and he may as well have just struck her directly in the heart with how direct it is. Hearing him direct those words towards her when she doesn't entirely know if she deserves them is...
It makes Amaya's heart beat, and the idea that he could love her even without improvements, even without the ability to smile or feel anything positive towards him--she doesn't doubt him for a moment, she never has. For as smarmy and strangely distant despite his open smiles and words as he's seemed, he's given her all of his honesty. She doesn't doubt his words for a moment, and perhaps that's what's making this so nice.
What a beautiful thought.]
...Yes. That is exactly it, in fact; I love you no matter what form you take, because at the end of the day, you are still you. You are still the man I would gladly talk with about even the most inane of things, the one I would trust by my side as much as Aneirin, the one I would adore above all others.
To hear that you think the same of me is...not shocking, but it brings a strange feeling with it that I cannot identify. I want to cherish it, like I cherish you.
Even if nothing changes about you...I'd let the world burn before I see you hurt.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
necromants) wrote2025-11-01 09:01 pm
no subject
Oh! I knew he was important to you, though I hadn't realized you two were that close.
[A nod! This makes her reactions at the trial make more sense, he thinks. Though what does that say about his own— you know what, let's not examine that.]
What I want is for you to be as happy as you can be, Amaya. Why should you have to choose - assuming Seymour feels the same way, though I can't see why he wouldn't - when I'm perfectly happy knowing you're content?
[Thankfully, Zvei doesn't have a jealous bone in his body when it comes to relationships.]
...Though I suppose I do understand your concern with the timing of it. I'm pleased you figured out your feelings towards him as well, though!
no subject
[It comes out a little shaky when Amaya says it, but...there's no doubt that she's at least a little relieved about that, her body relaxing a touch. Sure, Aneirin brings back different men some nights to his quarters, and Princess Maribell literally has a harem she manages to keep up with so well that Amaya wonders how, but...
It's not a universally accepted way of life, and Amaya knows this. But hearing Zvei say that much manages to get her look to soften, and you know what. Another smooch for you, Zvei, this one on the cheek.]
Truthfully, I didn't realize we were this close either. He's...well. One of the first few who found out everything about me, and we simply kept seeking one another out afterwards. Caring for each other in the only ways we knew how, but it wasn't something I had been willing to examine further. But...
...Thank you. I promise this does not mean I love you any less. But I want to make him happy, as well somehow.
Maybe I can convince him to come with us as well...
no subject
There's certainly nothing wrong with having enough love to give - and I'm delighted to hear that you want to share it with him. I think he could use it.
[...think...ing...]
Does this mean I should stop calling him attractive?
[like. he's really only hit on the two of you, but. maybe he shouldn't do that now??? what the hell is being in a relationship, he doesn't know.]
no subject
No? I don't think so, at least. If that's what you wish to say, I...well. Be gentle with him about it, but I don't think I have a single problem with you saying such things to him. You're objectively correct, after all.
[...wait a minute]
...You think he's attractive as well, though?
no subject
Of course? As you said, he is objectively attractive and those that think otherwise [you know who you are] clearly need to get their eyes examined.
[.......................
did you think there would be some sort of realization here, because there is not.]
no subject
[the realization
these fucking idiots heads,,,]
Truly, I think if anything it might be nice for him to hear that. So please, do not worry overmuch. You may do as you wish, as long as you come back to me sometimes.
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I agree. He certainly needs to have some more confidence in his appearance.
[But he gets why Seymour doesn't, because yeesh.]
But you never need to worry about that. I'll always return to you, no matter what.
[Though he needs time to study the exhibits, write notes, hang out with Yuki, go visit Seymour, and pamper Amaya... He's gonna be so busy!! No wonder next week hits him like a truck. (This is not the reason why.)]
no subject
[Amaya at least wants to be optimistic that they can both reach Seymour. They were the first to try; hopefully not the only, but...it would be very nice, for Seymour to be able to have some time to breathe and recover, if only a touch.
Amaya will put the finishing touches on the wreath, checking it over meticulously for anything insecure--and nods her head at the finished product. It's definitely just that and not trying to distract herself because her face is absolutely going pink at such a pure show of devotion.
...It's kind of romantic--]
And as will I, to you. Always, Zvei.
no subject
But oh look, Amaya finished! Zvei grins, squeezing her a bit.]
I'm pleased to hear it. But let's see how this looks on, shall we?
[He finally does relinquish his position on Amaya's shoulder, though doesn't let go entirely. He assumes she'll be wearing the wreath herself and wants to see how cute she is in it!! The blush even matches—]
no subject
...Usually, I'd decorate the front of a door with this. But...I suppose I would not mind, seeing how wearable it is.
[And see. You might think she'd be putting this on herself, and she stares at the wreath for a moment when she picks it up, though it might be obvious if Zvei catches her looking back and forth at him and the wreath...
If he's otherwise unopposed, though. Ta-da! One wreath hat for you, Zvei. ...If she's allowed she is going to try and be a grandma for a second and adjust it so it fits nicely, but...]
...I knew that reds would be nice on you, but pink goes well too. With your eyes. Perhaps next time I should find some white and black, too.
[Cute...]
no subject
You think it suits me? I'm pleased~
[He frees an arm from around her to reach up to gently brush his fingers over the petals. C-Cute...]
...Do you like them? My eyes, I mean. Apparently they're quite unique, even among deimori.
[He's only ever met one (that he remembers) so he can't say how true that is, but he's certainly never seen anyone else with eyes like his.]
no subject
I'd say your eyes are definitely one of your more striking features. [With Amaya's hands newly freed and their privacy...well, Amaya allows her hand to come up (shakily, still somewhat shakily because she's always going to be a little too cautious) to brush against his cheek.] I like them; their contrast is...pleasing; it draws the eye to them, and they're easy to stare at for long periods of time.
[...amaya isn't good at this, but she really does like them. They're cute. And his laugh is really cute too, actually...]
They suit you.
no subject
...I didn't like them, at first. I didn't like anything that made me look so different from humans. I blamed my inability to connect with them on my physical differences, at first. I thought maybe if I looked like them, they'd accept me easier.
[He laughs, a short, sharp burst that isn't nearly as pleased.]
Eventually I realized my mistake. It wasn't my appearance that was the problem.
no subject
I understand. It is...easy, to attribute blame to those sorts of things, especially when it is a sore subject.
[Given the way Amaya stares into them, though--a little bit of her usual intense stare, but with a bit of softness in it this time.]
...They're beautiful, though. Every part of you is. I do hope you see that much, now.
[At least to Amaya! ...Who's still feeling this all out and just kind of letting herself say shit unrestrained but you know--]
no subject
[...Actually, he is the tiniest bit pink, but don't worry about it—]
Somewhere along the way I learned to stop caring so much about what others think of me. If they find me scary or off-putting or ugly, I don't really care. Besides, I've found people who like me for... well, me.
[There's a brief pause as his gaze darts.]
...I wasn't really expecting it, I suppose.
no subject
[Okay, she has to tease just a little bit, as a treat--but Amaya does nod her head in understanding to that statement, though.]
...It is what one has to do, sometimes. To find their own reason for being, and living; to not allow others' opinions to shape them, but to stand on their own, proud of who they are or who they wish to be.
[...]
For what it is worth, I think there's plenty in you to like, Zvei. But I understand; I truly didn't expect it either.
But...you're not alone now.
no subject
I'm not. It feels strange, knowing that I'm not on my own anymore.
[...]
...Will you... still like me once I regain my memories?
[An unfair question to ask, when no one knows what his memories hold. He could have been far worse. He could have been far better, too. He could have been anything, anyone else, and maybe that person wouldn't get along with Amaya the way "Zvei" does. It isn't fair to ask her for something she can't answer now. He knows that.
And yet selfishly, he hopes she'll say yes. That she'll always care for him; that he can always have this, even when he isn't the person she likes anymore.]
no subject
Zvei, you truly don't listen well. [Despite the words, there's nothing harsh in Amaya's tone at all; it's...blank, but perhaps trying to inflect some sort of warmth.] What do you think I meant, when I said I would love you no matter what the future holds?
[And to that, before he can get any smart ideas of speaking up--she's gonna try and give him a quick kiss to shush him really quick before pulling back.]
It means no matter who you are, at the end of your road, I will be there. Whether you decide to stay or not is...
[...]
It is your choice, in the end. But my word is my oath.
[That rubbed way too much against her abandonment issues. But she means every word of it.]
no subject
There's a lot in there he should address, but one thing stands out above all others, and Amaya's scarcely done speaking before he responds.]
I don't want to go anywhere else. I want to be right here, beside you.
[His grip on her hands tightens sharply; it might be painful, were they able to feel pain in this place.]
I can't return to Aelios anyway, not after what I've done. That life... I can't return to it as if nothing happened. And even if I could, how could I choose that over you?
[It's open, honest, a question he hasn't even thought to ask himself before, because nothing in Zvei's life ever mattered anywhere near as much as his memories. But now something - someone - does, and suddenly he realizes that this isn't the sort of thing that can be solved as neatly as he thought it could. He planed on leaving Zvei behind entirely. He didn't think there was any part of Zvei worth keeping.
But Amaya likes Zvei. Yuki likes Zvei. Seymour likes Zvei. And all of them have said that they were happy to meet him as he is now, even without his memories. There's no telling if they'll like the person he becomes with those memories. And if he can't return to that life...
—then what's the point in those memories in the first place?
Won't it just upset him, to know of a life he can't return to? Won't it just make things worse? It's not as though his memories will explain everything about him, no matter how many times he's desperately convinced himself of that. He clung to it because it was the only possible explanation, the only possible way forward. But here, now, with people who care about Zvei, who don't need him to explain why he's like this—]
I'm not going anywhere. [Desperate, now; a promise, an oath, a plea to himself to please, please listen—] I want to be right here. I want you, Amaya, I... There isn't anything I want more.
[...The realization that those words may actually be completely honest is chilling.]
no subject
She's left wondering, for a moment, what she can do. Why he brings up Aelios again, even though he can't go back. She's not going to let him, and frankly he shouldn't, he deserves this chance to life as he sees fit and--
...
Oh. Maybe Amaya is wrong about this, but...oh, come on Zvei, can she hug you--]
...Zvei, please know that I do not doubt your promise to me. Not the weight, nor the devotion of said promise; I have not doubted it now, and I will not. You will not lose me. I...want you too, Zvei.
But...you're distressed. I've only seen you so distressed earlier, when we misunderstood one another--what's wrong?
no subject
But she brings up a good point - Amaya doesn't know what's going on inside his head. She doesn't know why he's reacting like this, and it's only fair to explain it to her. But how does he do that? How does he even begin addressing any of this? He'd rather not - he'd rather just forget all about this and go back to thinking about Seymour's arrival or focusing on the exhibits in the museum or doing literally anything else—
But he has to try. She'll worry about him even more if he doesn't.]
...What if I'm wrong? What if all of this - all the work I've done for the past seven years - what if I turn my back on it? What if I decide to be "Zvei" and not pursue the past any further? I can't... I can't just let it go...
[—can I?]
no subject
There's no good answer for this, Amaya is finding. But she threads a hand into his hair, gently, and she speaks softly.]
Zvei. That is a choice you must make for yourself; you know how I feel about the agency of others. I will not try to direct you one way or another, of this I promise.
But allow me to ask you something. What would make you happiest? Going back to a life you do not know, but that will explain everything of you...or embracing the life you have made now, finding out who "Zvei" is deep down, and embracing him instead?
Most people, from what I am to understand...they live their lives simply poking and prodding all that they can, in order to find out who they are. It is what makes people such...rich tapestries; that journey into the unknown, and finding out who they are only at the end of that road.
...And I know not a concrete answer, unfortunately. But what I do know is this; that I intend to stay by you, regardless of your decision. If you pursue these memories to the end of the earth, I'll tear Madide asunder again to help you. If you decide to live your life now, as "Zvei" forevermore, I will embrace you with my whole heart.
[...]
If you're wrong, then it doesn't have to be the end. It can be a new beginning, a rebirth all it's own if you wish.
Because...I do think there's plenty of merit in the "Zvei" I have seen; the person I love, so very dearly.
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The fact that there isn't one clear-cut, obviously correct choice is already a damnation in and of itself. How does he live with doubt, when his entire remembered life has been tirelessly working towards that one singular goal?
What would make you happiest? She asks, like he could have an answer to that. He doesn't know. The things that have made him happy here are the people, and being accepted by them. "Zvei" has them, but his (true?) self does not. Maybe they wouldn't leave. Maybe everything would still work out just fine. But what if the puzzle pieces no longer fit together, and he's changed too much?
But on the flip side of that, is he truly fine being "Zvei", when he's spent the past seven years desperately trying to find his memories to escape "Zvei"?]
...Even knowing all of my flaws, you'd say that?
[It's not that he doubted her confession earlier. It's just... he needs to hear it. He needs to hear that Zvei means the world to her, because that's—]
Even if I never change, never am able to do any better... Even if I always struggle with feelings and empathy and understanding others... You'll still love me?
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That's a stupid question, isn't it?
[It's obvious that he's laughing now; soft, and somewhere between deeply amused and wry.]
Because I love you just as you are. I wouldn't care if you never change. I love the Amaya before me, and that's not changing, no matter what. That's how you feel about me, isn't it?
I just want you to be as happy as you can be. That's what you want for me as well, right? Wherever that ends up taking me.
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...It's a little more awkward when she does it, but that first part gets an easy answer.]
Of course I will. You mean so very much to me, and you...
[But then Zvei speaks again, and he may as well have just struck her directly in the heart with how direct it is. Hearing him direct those words towards her when she doesn't entirely know if she deserves them is...
It makes Amaya's heart beat, and the idea that he could love her even without improvements, even without the ability to smile or feel anything positive towards him--she doesn't doubt him for a moment, she never has. For as smarmy and strangely distant despite his open smiles and words as he's seemed, he's given her all of his honesty. She doesn't doubt his words for a moment, and perhaps that's what's making this so nice.
What a beautiful thought.]
...Yes. That is exactly it, in fact; I love you no matter what form you take, because at the end of the day, you are still you. You are still the man I would gladly talk with about even the most inane of things, the one I would trust by my side as much as Aneirin, the one I would adore above all others.
To hear that you think the same of me is...not shocking, but it brings a strange feeling with it that I cannot identify. I want to cherish it, like I cherish you.
Even if nothing changes about you...I'd let the world burn before I see you hurt.
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