[Zvei's shaking his head before she even finishes, though he at least waits for her before speaking.]
I don't believe there's anything left for me in Aelios. I'd be surprised if they don't execute me, so going back simply isn't an option. I'll find another way to reclaim my memories.
[Though this is more for practical reasons than sentimental ones. He simply won't get another shot at the Aeli, so there's no reason in wasting his time in Aelios. Though he might miss Lorraine. A bit.]
Besides, I wouldn't want to take you away from Aneirin. He's looked after you for so long and your bond is so strong... I'd like to meet him, truly. I just... wasn't expecting it, I suppose.
[He pauses for a moment, staring at the flowers in Amaya's hands and then huffs a soft laugh.]
I don't think I've ever thought about the future before. Not in concrete terms, like meeting Aneirin, or returning to your world.
[What good would it do, when the only thing that matters is remembering? Why plan for a future that will change the moment he remembers who he's supposed to be?
But here and now, this feels right. Leaving Aelios behind entirely means that he won't be able to go back to the life he once led there... but it's not like he easily could have done that anyway, is it? He knew going after the Aeli would mean causing problems for himself in the future, if he even survived it - but it was worth it. Some part of him still thinks that.
It all feels further away now, though. Like maybe he doesn't have to rush anymore. With other worlds and their technologies and systems of magic, it's just a matter of time before he finds something and then...
Then he'll find a way to make those memories and that person fit in alongside the few things Zvei has for himself. That should work out fine, he thinks.]
[Amaya listens, as she continues to work on that wreath; it's really almost finished, the flowers arranged in what seems to be a beautiful pattern of those reds and pinks, but she gets what he's saying. She had figured that much, given what he told her. She was merely affirming what they had talked about, after all...she wonders, does he think she'd go back on her word? She had permitted Zvei whatever time he needed to decide, and...
...Well, she supposes that she's kind of voluntold him into coming home with her, but it doesn't have to be a lasting arrangement if Madide's vast and unusual magics somehow don't have the answers. Maybe she can make a new life with him somewhere, anywhere, all of them together. It's...
It's a strangely nice thought.]
...I'm not a woman who is in the habit of going back on her word, you know. If I can give you at least part of a future to look forward to, then I will be pleased beyond words. Even if I cannot feel it. The future as it stands may be turbulent and frightening, but I truly do have faith that we will make it through.
It's not as if I do not understand that thinking, though.
[Amaya pauses for a second, considering what she should say.]
To be able to give someone else a future they can look forward to...I never thought myself capable of it. Now, I want to imagine all of the bright and lovely things that we can do. I feel my thoughts racing with what could be; even if our situation here is not ideal, my mind imagines these possibilities unending, of the places I can show you, the people I can bring you to meet, and the things we can explore. It's...almost exhausting, but I don't mind it. It's so much better, than anything I thought life could be.
[...]
Though, I confess, I...may need to speak with you further about something, though it can wait.
[Ah, it really is coming together... How lovely. Zvei huffs a soft laugh at the first part and quickly adds:] My apologies, I didn't mean to doubt your word any.
[It was self-deprecating, not doubting Amaya any. But he thinks she can understand that - their worries and fears were of their own shortcomings, after all.
The idea that he has pleased her makes him feel that same sort of delight that comes with learning something new; that bright, unmistakable joy is so wonderful in this context. It's not a new feeling, but it somehow seems new when paired with their current topic of conversation; after all, the future has never been a particularly bright subject for Zvei.]
I'd like that. All of it. Maybe it'll give you a new appreciation of those places and people too.
[Though her pause gets him to angle himself so that he can properly look up at her.]
Come now, you know you can't say something like that and expect me not to ask! I am nothing but endlessly curious, after all!
Worry not, worry not. I'll just have to make it worth your while; I will do my utmost.
[Though Amaya doubts that to an extent, it's that thought which she pushes away from her mind; she doesn't want to think like that. No, she wants to enjoy this; in as much as she can enjoy it. She wants to look forward to this future she's going to build with Zvei, and she won't let a single thing take it from her.
...Still, ugh, of course Zvei can't very well let that go. Amaya's cheeks go a little pink and her expression goes a little uncertain for a moment. This feels...wrong, honestly, to talk about here and now. Now that they've gotten done expressing their own feelings for one another, but...
...]
I...fear talking about it now could make me come off as disingenuous. [Her voice feels small right now, but she does look to Zvei after a moment.] ...Can I ask you to promise not to doubt my words, and what I have said to you, if I...say this much?
[...Okay, now she's going pink in the cheeks at this, but she does at least give Zvei a little bit of nuzzling in return at least. Just...let her put the wreath on her lap again.]
I suppose it's...well. [Ahhh, this is embarrassing...] ...I did tell you, that Seymour and I became quite close after what happened to you. He was, in a way, someone who kept me from spiraling further; he...really tried for my sake. And as I got to know him, I really began to think he deserved better, and I...never got the chance to truly ask.
I couldn't escape something that grew within me, though. And...ironically, I think that putting a name to the feeling I have for you also made me realize the...feelings I have for him, too.
[Which, as Amaya dares to look to Zvei, really begs the question...]
[It takes him longer than it probably should to understand where she's going with this, and he adjusts to look at her again as she speaks. She can probably see the lightbulb click right before she spells it out so plainly.]
Oh! I knew he was important to you, though I hadn't realized you two were that close.
[A nod! This makes her reactions at the trial make more sense, he thinks. Though what does that say about his own— you know what, let's not examine that.]
What I want is for you to be as happy as you can be, Amaya. Why should you have to choose - assuming Seymour feels the same way, though I can't see why he wouldn't - when I'm perfectly happy knowing you're content?
[Thankfully, Zvei doesn't have a jealous bone in his body when it comes to relationships.]
...Though I suppose I do understand your concern with the timing of it. I'm pleased you figured out your feelings towards him as well, though!
[It comes out a little shaky when Amaya says it, but...there's no doubt that she's at least a little relieved about that, her body relaxing a touch. Sure, Aneirin brings back different men some nights to his quarters, and Princess Maribell literally has a harem she manages to keep up with so well that Amaya wonders how, but...
It's not a universally accepted way of life, and Amaya knows this. But hearing Zvei say that much manages to get her look to soften, and you know what. Another smooch for you, Zvei, this one on the cheek.]
Truthfully, I didn't realize we were this close either. He's...well. One of the first few who found out everything about me, and we simply kept seeking one another out afterwards. Caring for each other in the only ways we knew how, but it wasn't something I had been willing to examine further. But...
...Thank you. I promise this does not mean I love you any less. But I want to make him happy, as well somehow.
Maybe I can convince him to come with us as well...
[Rewarded for good behavior!! Zvei grins, tiny fangs visible.]
There's certainly nothing wrong with having enough love to give - and I'm delighted to hear that you want to share it with him. I think he could use it.
[...think...ing...]
Does this mean I should stop calling him attractive?
[like. he's really only hit on the two of you, but. maybe he shouldn't do that now??? what the hell is being in a relationship, he doesn't know.]
[...You know, she actually has to think about that for a second, but...]
No? I don't think so, at least. If that's what you wish to say, I...well. Be gentle with him about it, but I don't think I have a single problem with you saying such things to him. You're objectively correct, after all.
Absolutely. I'm starting to think that the populace here are blind, or simply do not know how to appreciate a well sculpted body. And with his voice, too...
[the realization
these fucking idiots heads,,,]
Truly, I think if anything it might be nice for him to hear that. So please, do not worry overmuch. You may do as you wish, as long as you come back to me sometimes.
I agree. He certainly needs to have some more confidence in his appearance.
[But he gets why Seymour doesn't, because yeesh.]
But you never need to worry about that. I'll always return to you, no matter what.
[Though he needs time to study the exhibits, write notes, hang out with Yuki, go visit Seymour, and pamper Amaya... He's gonna be so busy!! No wonder next week hits him like a truck. (This is not the reason why.)]
...Maybe if everything goes well, we'll be able to.
[Amaya at least wants to be optimistic that they can both reach Seymour. They were the first to try; hopefully not the only, but...it would be very nice, for Seymour to be able to have some time to breathe and recover, if only a touch.
Amaya will put the finishing touches on the wreath, checking it over meticulously for anything insecure--and nods her head at the finished product. It's definitely just that and not trying to distract herself because her face is absolutely going pink at such a pure show of devotion.
[The first part earns a soft hum of acknowledgement. There's no telling how Seymour will take being dead ("dead"?) and if they'll even be able to reach him to begin with. No sense getting ahead of themselves.
But oh look, Amaya finished! Zvei grins, squeezing her a bit.]
I'm pleased to hear it. But let's see how this looks on, shall we?
[He finally does relinquish his position on Amaya's shoulder, though doesn't let go entirely. He assumes she'll be wearing the wreath herself and wants to see how cute she is in it!! The blush even matches—]
[He can assume that if he wants! ...Amaya lets out a small noise at the squeeze, looking to Zvei for a moment with those softened eyes.]
...Usually, I'd decorate the front of a door with this. But...I suppose I would not mind, seeing how wearable it is.
[And see. You might think she'd be putting this on herself, and she stares at the wreath for a moment when she picks it up, though it might be obvious if Zvei catches her looking back and forth at him and the wreath...
If he's otherwise unopposed, though. Ta-da! One wreath hat for you, Zvei. ...If she's allowed she is going to try and be a grandma for a second and adjust it so it fits nicely, but...]
...I knew that reds would be nice on you, but pink goes well too. With your eyes. Perhaps next time I should find some white and black, too.
[...He really does look cute like this, Amaya's mind is finding. It's actually kind of nice...]
I'd say your eyes are definitely one of your more striking features. [With Amaya's hands newly freed and their privacy...well, Amaya allows her hand to come up (shakily, still somewhat shakily because she's always going to be a little too cautious) to brush against his cheek.] I like them; their contrast is...pleasing; it draws the eye to them, and they're easy to stare at for long periods of time.
[...amaya isn't good at this, but she really does like them. They're cute. And his laugh is really cute too, actually...]
[He leans into her hand with a soft hum of approval, nuzzling against it as if to keep her there.]
...I didn't like them, at first. I didn't like anything that made me look so different from humans. I blamed my inability to connect with them on my physical differences, at first. I thought maybe if I looked like them, they'd accept me easier.
[He laughs, a short, sharp burst that isn't nearly as pleased.]
Eventually I realized my mistake. It wasn't my appearance that was the problem.
[...Actually, he is the tiniest bit pink, but don't worry about it—]
Somewhere along the way I learned to stop caring so much about what others think of me. If they find me scary or off-putting or ugly, I don't really care. Besides, I've found people who like me for... well, me.
[Okay, she has to tease just a little bit, as a treat--but Amaya does nod her head in understanding to that statement, though.]
...It is what one has to do, sometimes. To find their own reason for being, and living; to not allow others' opinions to shape them, but to stand on their own, proud of who they are or who they wish to be.
[...]
For what it is worth, I think there's plenty in you to like, Zvei. But I understand; I truly didn't expect it either.
[The teasing gets another pleased laugh from him; how cute... But he settles a bit at the more serious topic.]
I'm not. It feels strange, knowing that I'm not on my own anymore.
[...]
...Will you... still like me once I regain my memories?
[An unfair question to ask, when no one knows what his memories hold. He could have been far worse. He could have been far better, too. He could have been anything, anyone else, and maybe that person wouldn't get along with Amaya the way "Zvei" does. It isn't fair to ask her for something she can't answer now. He knows that.
And yet selfishly, he hopes she'll say yes. That she'll always care for him; that he can always have this, even when he isn't the person she likes anymore.]
[Amaya's quiet for a good moment, once he says that; she knows that it's important to him to ask, in case he's different from the man she knows in the future once he gets his memories back. Amaya's head tilts slightly, and she finds herself taking both of his hands into hers if he'll let her.]
Zvei, you truly don't listen well. [Despite the words, there's nothing harsh in Amaya's tone at all; it's...blank, but perhaps trying to inflect some sort of warmth.] What do you think I meant, when I said I would love you no matter what the future holds?
[And to that, before he can get any smart ideas of speaking up--she's gonna try and give him a quick kiss to shush him really quick before pulling back.]
It means no matter who you are, at the end of your road, I will be there. Whether you decide to stay or not is...
[...]
It is your choice, in the end. But my word is my oath.
[That rubbed way too much against her abandonment issues. But she means every word of it.]
[opens his mouth to say a thing, is immediately kissed and shuts up. truly, who knew the solution to getting him to stop Yapping was to kiss him??
There's a lot in there he should address, but one thing stands out above all others, and Amaya's scarcely done speaking before he responds.]
I don't want to go anywhere else. I want to be right here, beside you.
[His grip on her hands tightens sharply; it might be painful, were they able to feel pain in this place.]
I can't return to Aelios anyway, not after what I've done. That life... I can't return to it as if nothing happened. And even if I could, how could I choose that over you?
[It's open, honest, a question he hasn't even thought to ask himself before, because nothing in Zvei's life ever mattered anywhere near as much as his memories. But now something - someone - does, and suddenly he realizes that this isn't the sort of thing that can be solved as neatly as he thought it could. He planed on leaving Zvei behind entirely. He didn't think there was any part of Zvei worth keeping.
But Amaya likes Zvei. Yuki likes Zvei. Seymour likes Zvei. And all of them have said that they were happy to meet him as he is now, even without his memories. There's no telling if they'll like the person he becomes with those memories. And if he can't return to that life...
—then what's the point in those memories in the first place?
Won't it just upset him, to know of a life he can't return to? Won't it just make things worse? It's not as though his memories will explain everything about him, no matter how many times he's desperately convinced himself of that. He clung to it because it was the only possible explanation, the only possible way forward. But here, now, with people who care about Zvei, who don't need him to explain why he's like this—]
I'm not going anywhere. [Desperate, now; a promise, an oath, a plea to himself to please, please listen—] I want to be right here. I want you, Amaya, I... There isn't anything I want more.
[...The realization that those words may actually be completely honest is chilling.]
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necromants) wrote2025-11-01 09:01 pm
no subject
I don't believe there's anything left for me in Aelios. I'd be surprised if they don't execute me, so going back simply isn't an option. I'll find another way to reclaim my memories.
[Though this is more for practical reasons than sentimental ones. He simply won't get another shot at the Aeli, so there's no reason in wasting his time in Aelios. Though he might miss Lorraine. A bit.]
Besides, I wouldn't want to take you away from Aneirin. He's looked after you for so long and your bond is so strong... I'd like to meet him, truly. I just... wasn't expecting it, I suppose.
[He pauses for a moment, staring at the flowers in Amaya's hands and then huffs a soft laugh.]
I don't think I've ever thought about the future before. Not in concrete terms, like meeting Aneirin, or returning to your world.
[What good would it do, when the only thing that matters is remembering? Why plan for a future that will change the moment he remembers who he's supposed to be?
But here and now, this feels right. Leaving Aelios behind entirely means that he won't be able to go back to the life he once led there... but it's not like he easily could have done that anyway, is it? He knew going after the Aeli would mean causing problems for himself in the future, if he even survived it - but it was worth it. Some part of him still thinks that.
It all feels further away now, though. Like maybe he doesn't have to rush anymore. With other worlds and their technologies and systems of magic, it's just a matter of time before he finds something and then...
Then he'll find a way to make those memories and that person fit in alongside the few things Zvei has for himself. That should work out fine, he thinks.]
no subject
...Well, she supposes that she's kind of voluntold him into coming home with her, but it doesn't have to be a lasting arrangement if Madide's vast and unusual magics somehow don't have the answers. Maybe she can make a new life with him somewhere, anywhere, all of them together. It's...
It's a strangely nice thought.]
...I'm not a woman who is in the habit of going back on her word, you know. If I can give you at least part of a future to look forward to, then I will be pleased beyond words. Even if I cannot feel it. The future as it stands may be turbulent and frightening, but I truly do have faith that we will make it through.
It's not as if I do not understand that thinking, though.
[Amaya pauses for a second, considering what she should say.]
To be able to give someone else a future they can look forward to...I never thought myself capable of it. Now, I want to imagine all of the bright and lovely things that we can do. I feel my thoughts racing with what could be; even if our situation here is not ideal, my mind imagines these possibilities unending, of the places I can show you, the people I can bring you to meet, and the things we can explore. It's...almost exhausting, but I don't mind it. It's so much better, than anything I thought life could be.
[...]
Though, I confess, I...may need to speak with you further about something, though it can wait.
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[It was self-deprecating, not doubting Amaya any. But he thinks she can understand that - their worries and fears were of their own shortcomings, after all.
The idea that he has pleased her makes him feel that same sort of delight that comes with learning something new; that bright, unmistakable joy is so wonderful in this context. It's not a new feeling, but it somehow seems new when paired with their current topic of conversation; after all, the future has never been a particularly bright subject for Zvei.]
I'd like that. All of it. Maybe it'll give you a new appreciation of those places and people too.
[Though her pause gets him to angle himself so that he can properly look up at her.]
Come now, you know you can't say something like that and expect me not to ask! I am nothing but endlessly curious, after all!
no subject
[Though Amaya doubts that to an extent, it's that thought which she pushes away from her mind; she doesn't want to think like that. No, she wants to enjoy this; in as much as she can enjoy it. She wants to look forward to this future she's going to build with Zvei, and she won't let a single thing take it from her.
...Still, ugh, of course Zvei can't very well let that go. Amaya's cheeks go a little pink and her expression goes a little uncertain for a moment. This feels...wrong, honestly, to talk about here and now. Now that they've gotten done expressing their own feelings for one another, but...
...]
I...fear talking about it now could make me come off as disingenuous. [Her voice feels small right now, but she does look to Zvei after a moment.] ...Can I ask you to promise not to doubt my words, and what I have said to you, if I...say this much?
no subject
Come now, Amaya, I have never doubted you, and I don't intend to start now. What is it that has you so worried?
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I suppose it's...well. [Ahhh, this is embarrassing...] ...I did tell you, that Seymour and I became quite close after what happened to you. He was, in a way, someone who kept me from spiraling further; he...really tried for my sake. And as I got to know him, I really began to think he deserved better, and I...never got the chance to truly ask.
I couldn't escape something that grew within me, though. And...ironically, I think that putting a name to the feeling I have for you also made me realize the...feelings I have for him, too.
[Which, as Amaya dares to look to Zvei, really begs the question...]
...I love you both in equal measure, but...
Is that something you are alright with?
no subject
Oh! I knew he was important to you, though I hadn't realized you two were that close.
[A nod! This makes her reactions at the trial make more sense, he thinks. Though what does that say about his own— you know what, let's not examine that.]
What I want is for you to be as happy as you can be, Amaya. Why should you have to choose - assuming Seymour feels the same way, though I can't see why he wouldn't - when I'm perfectly happy knowing you're content?
[Thankfully, Zvei doesn't have a jealous bone in his body when it comes to relationships.]
...Though I suppose I do understand your concern with the timing of it. I'm pleased you figured out your feelings towards him as well, though!
no subject
[It comes out a little shaky when Amaya says it, but...there's no doubt that she's at least a little relieved about that, her body relaxing a touch. Sure, Aneirin brings back different men some nights to his quarters, and Princess Maribell literally has a harem she manages to keep up with so well that Amaya wonders how, but...
It's not a universally accepted way of life, and Amaya knows this. But hearing Zvei say that much manages to get her look to soften, and you know what. Another smooch for you, Zvei, this one on the cheek.]
Truthfully, I didn't realize we were this close either. He's...well. One of the first few who found out everything about me, and we simply kept seeking one another out afterwards. Caring for each other in the only ways we knew how, but it wasn't something I had been willing to examine further. But...
...Thank you. I promise this does not mean I love you any less. But I want to make him happy, as well somehow.
Maybe I can convince him to come with us as well...
no subject
There's certainly nothing wrong with having enough love to give - and I'm delighted to hear that you want to share it with him. I think he could use it.
[...think...ing...]
Does this mean I should stop calling him attractive?
[like. he's really only hit on the two of you, but. maybe he shouldn't do that now??? what the hell is being in a relationship, he doesn't know.]
no subject
No? I don't think so, at least. If that's what you wish to say, I...well. Be gentle with him about it, but I don't think I have a single problem with you saying such things to him. You're objectively correct, after all.
[...wait a minute]
...You think he's attractive as well, though?
no subject
Of course? As you said, he is objectively attractive and those that think otherwise [you know who you are] clearly need to get their eyes examined.
[.......................
did you think there would be some sort of realization here, because there is not.]
no subject
[the realization
these fucking idiots heads,,,]
Truly, I think if anything it might be nice for him to hear that. So please, do not worry overmuch. You may do as you wish, as long as you come back to me sometimes.
no subject
I agree. He certainly needs to have some more confidence in his appearance.
[But he gets why Seymour doesn't, because yeesh.]
But you never need to worry about that. I'll always return to you, no matter what.
[Though he needs time to study the exhibits, write notes, hang out with Yuki, go visit Seymour, and pamper Amaya... He's gonna be so busy!! No wonder next week hits him like a truck. (This is not the reason why.)]
no subject
[Amaya at least wants to be optimistic that they can both reach Seymour. They were the first to try; hopefully not the only, but...it would be very nice, for Seymour to be able to have some time to breathe and recover, if only a touch.
Amaya will put the finishing touches on the wreath, checking it over meticulously for anything insecure--and nods her head at the finished product. It's definitely just that and not trying to distract herself because her face is absolutely going pink at such a pure show of devotion.
...It's kind of romantic--]
And as will I, to you. Always, Zvei.
no subject
But oh look, Amaya finished! Zvei grins, squeezing her a bit.]
I'm pleased to hear it. But let's see how this looks on, shall we?
[He finally does relinquish his position on Amaya's shoulder, though doesn't let go entirely. He assumes she'll be wearing the wreath herself and wants to see how cute she is in it!! The blush even matches—]
no subject
...Usually, I'd decorate the front of a door with this. But...I suppose I would not mind, seeing how wearable it is.
[And see. You might think she'd be putting this on herself, and she stares at the wreath for a moment when she picks it up, though it might be obvious if Zvei catches her looking back and forth at him and the wreath...
If he's otherwise unopposed, though. Ta-da! One wreath hat for you, Zvei. ...If she's allowed she is going to try and be a grandma for a second and adjust it so it fits nicely, but...]
...I knew that reds would be nice on you, but pink goes well too. With your eyes. Perhaps next time I should find some white and black, too.
[Cute...]
no subject
You think it suits me? I'm pleased~
[He frees an arm from around her to reach up to gently brush his fingers over the petals. C-Cute...]
...Do you like them? My eyes, I mean. Apparently they're quite unique, even among deimori.
[He's only ever met one (that he remembers) so he can't say how true that is, but he's certainly never seen anyone else with eyes like his.]
no subject
I'd say your eyes are definitely one of your more striking features. [With Amaya's hands newly freed and their privacy...well, Amaya allows her hand to come up (shakily, still somewhat shakily because she's always going to be a little too cautious) to brush against his cheek.] I like them; their contrast is...pleasing; it draws the eye to them, and they're easy to stare at for long periods of time.
[...amaya isn't good at this, but she really does like them. They're cute. And his laugh is really cute too, actually...]
They suit you.
no subject
...I didn't like them, at first. I didn't like anything that made me look so different from humans. I blamed my inability to connect with them on my physical differences, at first. I thought maybe if I looked like them, they'd accept me easier.
[He laughs, a short, sharp burst that isn't nearly as pleased.]
Eventually I realized my mistake. It wasn't my appearance that was the problem.
no subject
I understand. It is...easy, to attribute blame to those sorts of things, especially when it is a sore subject.
[Given the way Amaya stares into them, though--a little bit of her usual intense stare, but with a bit of softness in it this time.]
...They're beautiful, though. Every part of you is. I do hope you see that much, now.
[At least to Amaya! ...Who's still feeling this all out and just kind of letting herself say shit unrestrained but you know--]
no subject
[...Actually, he is the tiniest bit pink, but don't worry about it—]
Somewhere along the way I learned to stop caring so much about what others think of me. If they find me scary or off-putting or ugly, I don't really care. Besides, I've found people who like me for... well, me.
[There's a brief pause as his gaze darts.]
...I wasn't really expecting it, I suppose.
no subject
[Okay, she has to tease just a little bit, as a treat--but Amaya does nod her head in understanding to that statement, though.]
...It is what one has to do, sometimes. To find their own reason for being, and living; to not allow others' opinions to shape them, but to stand on their own, proud of who they are or who they wish to be.
[...]
For what it is worth, I think there's plenty in you to like, Zvei. But I understand; I truly didn't expect it either.
But...you're not alone now.
no subject
I'm not. It feels strange, knowing that I'm not on my own anymore.
[...]
...Will you... still like me once I regain my memories?
[An unfair question to ask, when no one knows what his memories hold. He could have been far worse. He could have been far better, too. He could have been anything, anyone else, and maybe that person wouldn't get along with Amaya the way "Zvei" does. It isn't fair to ask her for something she can't answer now. He knows that.
And yet selfishly, he hopes she'll say yes. That she'll always care for him; that he can always have this, even when he isn't the person she likes anymore.]
no subject
Zvei, you truly don't listen well. [Despite the words, there's nothing harsh in Amaya's tone at all; it's...blank, but perhaps trying to inflect some sort of warmth.] What do you think I meant, when I said I would love you no matter what the future holds?
[And to that, before he can get any smart ideas of speaking up--she's gonna try and give him a quick kiss to shush him really quick before pulling back.]
It means no matter who you are, at the end of your road, I will be there. Whether you decide to stay or not is...
[...]
It is your choice, in the end. But my word is my oath.
[That rubbed way too much against her abandonment issues. But she means every word of it.]
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There's a lot in there he should address, but one thing stands out above all others, and Amaya's scarcely done speaking before he responds.]
I don't want to go anywhere else. I want to be right here, beside you.
[His grip on her hands tightens sharply; it might be painful, were they able to feel pain in this place.]
I can't return to Aelios anyway, not after what I've done. That life... I can't return to it as if nothing happened. And even if I could, how could I choose that over you?
[It's open, honest, a question he hasn't even thought to ask himself before, because nothing in Zvei's life ever mattered anywhere near as much as his memories. But now something - someone - does, and suddenly he realizes that this isn't the sort of thing that can be solved as neatly as he thought it could. He planed on leaving Zvei behind entirely. He didn't think there was any part of Zvei worth keeping.
But Amaya likes Zvei. Yuki likes Zvei. Seymour likes Zvei. And all of them have said that they were happy to meet him as he is now, even without his memories. There's no telling if they'll like the person he becomes with those memories. And if he can't return to that life...
—then what's the point in those memories in the first place?
Won't it just upset him, to know of a life he can't return to? Won't it just make things worse? It's not as though his memories will explain everything about him, no matter how many times he's desperately convinced himself of that. He clung to it because it was the only possible explanation, the only possible way forward. But here, now, with people who care about Zvei, who don't need him to explain why he's like this—]
I'm not going anywhere. [Desperate, now; a promise, an oath, a plea to himself to please, please listen—] I want to be right here. I want you, Amaya, I... There isn't anything I want more.
[...The realization that those words may actually be completely honest is chilling.]
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